Thursday, May 31, 2007

My peeps

I don't have a group of friends whom all hang out together. I suspect if you put all my friends in a room together many would wonder what i see in the others.

I like it that way. When we lived in Colorado, we did hang out with a group. It was fun, but everything was done as a group. I am really not a group person, i tried to be one, but it was an effort, and lacking in the intimacy that i need. My friends now are mostly odd people to whom i show different bits of myself.

Some of them are people that i made the snap judgement when i first met them that they were not "people like me," and then i have had the pleasure of getting to know them and realizing that, yes indeed, they are not people like me, and isn't that grand? I love it when that happens, a freindship building out from two different foundations to meet somewhere in the middle.

It's fun to slowly unwrap a person and discover the things there are to enjoy about them. (Minds out of the gutter folks!)

I sometimes do bring a few of my friends together and really enjoy that this is not a person that they would expect me to have as a friend.

Maybe i should throw a party and invite them all. Nah, most of them hate parties as much as i do.

29 comments:

liv said...

That sounds so like me. I often wonder if the peeps I mix with would get along. I love them all for so many different reasons. And I wonder if me loving them is endorsement enough to make them all love each other. But, I fear not.

liv said...

wait, oh, wait! holy family! I was the first comment on meno's blog!

Lee said...

my favorite attribute of friends is openmindessness (word?) so this is rarely a problem. it's fun to put them in a room and watch them mingle.

thailandchani said...

My friends are also an eclectic gaggle of eccentrics and misfits. And I truly do enjoy them for that very reason.

And anyone who hates parties is definitely someone I would want to know.



Peace,

~Chani

Lynn said...

If you show different facets of yourself to different people, there's a good chance that the two different parts of you that attracted each of them, won't mesh. I hate it when I introduce people and it's awkward...somehow it seems to change my relationship with both people.

jen said...

oh, man. do i feel you. i have friends in very similar ways, and almost never do we all congregate, but then one time i did have that party, and to watch them fall in love with each other was really extraordinary. it felt really, really good.

meno said...

liv, yeah, i fear not too, but i do know that most of them would try, and many of them would succeed, because they're all good people.

lee, you are braver than i.

chani, well i hate parties so we have much in common! :)

lynn, i am trying to think if that has ever happened. I guess the Mister is kind of a snob and doesn't get why i like some of my less educated friends. Too bad for him.

jen, wow. What a great experience. Maybe some day i'll get up the nerve.

Mama P said...

I will be the odd girl out. I adore parties. I love anything social. I can't wait for school plays and soccer games for no other reason than to wear the dorky clothes and shout like a geek. The carpooling and hectic to and fro? Not so much. But the crazy meeting of all sorts. LOVE. IT. I DO I DO. PS: You really should have an affair with my husband. You could have great sex, then never have to talk or go for walks to the bagel store.

Ortizzle said...

A lot of my friends... might not hit it off if they were all thrown together at a party. Unless it was a party for weirdos and misfits. Yay weirdos and misfits! Boo parties... I don't really like them either, at least not BIG parties. Too many fake people and not usually enough good food to compensate. :-)

Sienna said...

People are so interesting Meno, sometimes what I think I know, -isn't, what I didn't- is...could be's-can't, should be's-don't...am I talking crap?

I'm not a party girl either, can and have done them, but never *got* them....they usually bore the pants off me. I've been up all night, no sleep does this, but I had to visit.:)

Pam

Sober Briquette said...

As you know, I'm reading that book about food control & one of the things is to identify your "triggers." Sadly, the only thing that gets me throught parties is drinking and eating finger foods. I was contemplating this, and the idea of having to work on my small talk skills is much worse than just avoiding parties. When I was president of the local chapter for at-home mothers, even before accepting the nomination, I stated, I will have nothing to do with the parties. Our seasonal parties were the most popular events within the club, but to me they were pure torture. Take away the alcohol and add way too many kids, running around and screaming? I got some funny looks, and that's one reason why I can't count too many "friends" among that group.

ms chica said...

Parties are an unpleasant situation that I put myself in for the love or respect of someone else. I hardly go to large gatherings for my mom's family anymore. THe noise, the splitting into groups, and the empty conversations, after ten minutes stick a fork in me, I'm done. The cat is better in social situations than I am...and it shows.

My friends are a rather diverse bunch too, carefully compartmentalized for their safety and for mine...

Toni said...

When I was younger- I was very much the 'group' type person. Now- give me a couple of great friends, and I am in heaven!

QT said...

My friends are all like this too. The BF's friends are all a group, they all went to high school together. I can't believe they aren't sick of each other yet.

I like to skulk around the edges of big parties and see who the other skulkers are. I've made some interesting friends this way. You should give it a try next time.

Lisa said...

One of the terrifying aspects of our possible need to relocate is the thought of leaving my group. I've never thought of myself as a group-type person. But, as I read your post, I realized that I am one. Living here for 24 years has given me an amazing collection of friends, many of whom also know each other and have for years. We don't do everything as a group, because the group is too big. We all spend time with each other in 2's, 3's, 4's, more as we had kids. And getting a whole bunch of us together is always great fun! We really are a chosen family, as cheezy as that sounds. We drink wine together and laugh over things that happened 10 years ago. We've known, loved and fought with each other through some really bad hair choices.How can I start over somewhere else without that foundation? God, i hope we can find a way to stay here.

Lucia said...

Reading this was a little like looking in a mirror...

KJ said...

I've left a lot of 'best' friends behind as we made many moves. I began to question the concept of a heaven where I would eventually be reunited with all when I realized they wouldn't know each other... wouldn't be much of a reunion! Wonder if that's why I gave up having best friends... childish concept anyway. KJ

Joan said...

I only have a few close friends and they are very different in type and personality. I just couldnt see them all together in the same room trying to mix and mingle...it boogles the mind.

Susanne said...

Don't you dream about meeting people to whom you could show all of you? I do.

And I used to love parties but they never live up to my expectations. We had a big one in February (all our friends, well those who bothered to come) at our house splitting in very different groups), and there and then while it was a good party we decided not to have one again.

meno said...

mamap, but i like to talk and go to the bagel store, and i'm married. So, no thanks, but i appreciate the offer.

ortizle, i am much happier in small groups too. Yay small groups!

pam, i can and do go to parties, i have one to attennd tomorrow night, but it is not my first choice of activities, or my second or...

de, drinking helps me too, which kind of scares me. I don't understand why anyone likes parties, but hey, we are all different.

ms. chica, exactly! I get sensory overload after just a few minutes too.

toni, you are different in that i was never a group person, but i did pretend for a while.

qt, you have talked about the BF and his friends. I wonder if it's just laziness. I don't know though. I will put myself on skulk duty at the next party.

lisa, i didn't realize that staying where you are is an option. Moving can be very wrenching, especially after such a long time. It doesn't sound cheesy, i think it's sweet.

lucia, boo! It's me. :)

kj, i have done the same, having moved several times. I no longer have a "best friend". I gave that up after grade school. More out of circumstance than desire at that age, but it has served me well.

joan, it does boggle the mind. I can't imagine a situation where i would be able to get them all in the same room.

susanne, yes, i suppose i do. Most people don't know how sarcastic i really am, or how vulgar, or how tender, or how mean, or how compassionate. A conundrum.

Sanjay said...

I am not sure what kind of person I am, I wonder what that says about me. But I guess like you I am not a group type of person either.

Sober Briquette said...

More about the group dynamic: within each group, there usually develop subgroups (I imagine this might be just among women, even if it's a couples' group) that raise the level of intimacy.

I am either uninhibited or one-dimensional. Or I don't have any friends. One way or another, I have never encountered the problem.

mrschili said...

I'm always uncomfortable putting my friends together; it's a holdover from my abused childhood when my parents told me that, once my friends figured out what I was REALLY like, they'd drop me like the proverbial hot potato. Even though I'm (mostly) over all that, I'm still a little nervous that my friends are going to discover that they like each other better than they like me, and will start ducking my calls. Pathetic, I know, but what can I tell ya?

luckyzmom said...

I love to watch people and parties are a good way to do a lot at once. I don't feel comfortable though until connecting to "oasis" people or joining a group talking about something interesting because I like intimate conversations and am often the "oasis" myself.

In HS I was accepted into many groups but didn't feel a part of any. All of my closest friends had other friends who they were closer to until my senior year.

I'm sure this all has something to do with my childhood issues and somehow I don't seem to remember what my point was. I know I started out with one.

sari said...

What's the quote? "I'd never want to belong to a club that would have me" or something like that.

I like hanging out with my friends...but I more like hanging out at home. I think about 80% home and 20% friends would do it for me.

I think. ;-)

Oh, The Joys said...

I like to be with people one on one or in very small groups because I have the attention span of a flea.

Mother of Invention said...

I also have an eclectic bunch of friends who are really close to me, but not necessarily friends with each other.I still get together with friends from high school, summer camp,university, teaching, choir, and our together friends with my husband...from his high school/college,his office, neighbours, and skiing. It's neat to be multi-faceted with so many and it makes life a lot more interesting. We seem to know a lot of people who are doing quite remarkable things...we don't but we're at the centre and they all spin around us.

Scott from Oregon said...

I love to get my hippie friends in the same room as my redneck friends, then run like hell...

meno said...

sanjay, i think maybe it says that you are not morbidly introspective.

de, that can happen, yes, but the group can also sun-divide into gossiping snark teams. I don't think you are one-dimensional, and i know you have at least one real life friend.

mrs.chili, "I'm still a little nervous that my friends are going to discover that they like each other better than they like me, and will start ducking my calls." Not pathetic, i know that feeling.

luckyzmom, i prefer to watch people in a situation where i am not supposed to be having a good time. Hmmm, that doesn't make sense.

sari, Groucho Marx "I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." A great quote.

OTJ, i vastly prefer small groups or individuals, otherwise i get sensory overload.

moi, sounds like you have a wide variety of friends. I think that's great.

scott, okay, that's a party i'd like to be observing, from a safe distance.