Tuesday, February 20, 2007

How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead? *

As previously mentioned in Sunday's exciting installment of Meno's life, my parents came and took the Mister and i out to lunch. The occasion is that today is the Mister and my 25th wedding anniversary. (I got married when i was 6, do the math.)

Saturday night i was thinking about the lunch, and thinking that i really should try and grow up a little and forgive my mom. She is trying hard to be nice and thoughtful (now that i am all growed up), and really, how long should i hold this grudge?

They brought us the dishes, as i said, and a card and four bottles of wine from Silver Lake Winery. You know because 25 years = silver. The fact that they get a discount at Silver Lake because they own some shares has nothing to do with it.

So after we all get into the car to head off for lunch my mom pipes up with this (Go for a disbelieving tone here.), "Can you believe you two have been married for 25 years?"

The Mister and i glanced over at one another. Several answers came to me:
1.) Dear God it feels like 50!
2.) What, did you lose a bet?
3.) It's just not to be believed, is it!
4.) I've been meaning to tell you that we're getting divorced mom, we just wanted the wine.

See how i am?

There were a few moments of silence as neither of us knew quite what to say.

Then she proceeded to order my dad around and be generally unpleasant to him all during lunch.

This derailed my great forgiveness plan until further notice.

*from Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin.


Lynn said...

Happy Anniversary! May you and the Mister have many, many more.

Melessa Gregg said...

Happy Anniversary! (and our mother's should get together for coffee)

TTQ said...

I'm sure the dishes and the wine were her ways of making it very special, my mom gave me a full set of my grandmother's china (she had many),when I got engaged I picked it from the ones offered to me..I didn't have to register for china! My sister's now have a very limited choice, I took the best and the most complete set.

Mom and I haven't always been the best of friends but we are now and I'm glad (and now is all that matters). But it took alot from me and her to get this way. She mellowed with age, I have had tons of therapy.. Stand up to your mom and ask her to please be nicer to your dad at least in your presence, she might go away mad but she'll come back (mother's never go away)

egan said...

The yellow background is awesome. The orange was cool and all, but tough on me eyes.

I see we have some work to do Meno. Stop into my office and we can work on this.

-Dr. Egan

Special K ~Toni said...

Happy Anniversary! Your mom sound spookily like mine.... that means that there are more among us!

Joan said...

Happy Anniversary!! I wish you and your hubby many many more years of wedded bliss. And congratulations for being such a young bride...being married at 6 sounds like a perfectly reasonably thing to do. ;-)

Anonymous said...


oh - and happy anniversary - and many more...

meno said...

lynn, thank you, we plan to do just that.

melessa, thank you. and if our mothers are anything alike they would HATE each other.

ttq, I have asked my mom on more than one occasion to knock it off, at least in front of me. I told her that it makes me not want to spend time with them, which is sad. But i think she is unable to control herself. Sad, really.

egan is your rate for advice 5 cents? Or maybe a bit higher? Glad you like the yellow.

toni, thank you. I just wonder why she must be so mean to this man, and ultimately, why he tolerates it. Ick.

joan, Thank you. i knew you'd understand about the child bride thing.

mrs.chili, if that means a manhatten, the i'm all over that action! And thank you.

Anonymous said...

meno, happy anniversary, y'all have earned it. 25 years is a long time to put up with someone's crap.

you know how, after something is over, or you're away from it for awhile, you kind of forget some of the rough corners? maybe someday your relationship with your mama will be that way. but, hey, atleast you're getting some lovely dishes for your basement!

Mother of Invention said...

Hey, Congrats on the 25th! It does kinda have a nice ring to it. (We had our 26th last July)
I would just try to ignore and out up with them when you have to...otherwise let go what you possibly can. Speak up for your dad when your mom's really cutting him up. Do any of your other siblings get the same vibes from her? How do they deal with it?

thailandchani said...

People seem to express themselves in such unusual ways. For her, the wine and the dishes were the height of generosity when you both probably would have been perfectly happy with a *pleasant* lunch.

I've found that negative people rarely change. It becomes a habit, like throat-clearing or nail-chewing.

Happy Anniversary to both you and the Mister. Just be happy. You've both earned it. :)



Elliot said...

Twenty-five years. Wow. I'm coming up on 15 and, already, it feels like the only memory I have pre-marriage involves myself and a pacifier and mommy pushing me in a stroller. I did go to college, right? I had a life a-fore marriage, right? Please, help me remember!

But, much congrats to you. There is a silver lining. 25 years of marriage is love's silver lining. (OOOH! flashes the sign above the audience).

Anonymous said...

Still...FREE WINE!!!

peevish said...

I agree with d-man.

Bob said...

Congratulations on your 25th anniversary. I hope it was a good one.

I suspect you realize that your mom isn't going to change and that your just getting the latest off of your chest. Sometimes the best relationships are at a distance. We had a similar situation with my mother-in-law and it took a series of strokes to change her personality. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, so - grin and bear it and wave bye with a smile - of relief.

Marshamlow said...

I went to Silver Lake Elementary School.

I hope you do decide to forgive your mom, that doesn't mean that you condone her behavior now or then, just that you don't pull up all those very toxic thoughts everytime you have to be around her or think of her.

And, Happy Anniversary!

Antonia Cornwell said...

So, did she lose a bet? Huh?

Happy anniversary to you both, Meno!! Your Mister is a lucky man.

If you're still thinking of London for that anniversary trip, drop me an email. (If you want to meet up, you'll have to bring a bag of pork uteri so I recognise you. I don't see many people carrying those.)

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary!

Your mom: sometimes forgetting is easier than forgiving. :-)

jaded said...

Congratulations, meno. You don't reach 25 years without working hard every day. Your Dad probably puts up with her crappy attitude because he has always put up with her crappy attitude. He's hardly ever experienced her under any other circumstances. They're a lot like my in-laws. We'll be toasting to you and the Mister!

QT said...

Oh man, sorry I am late with my Congratulations! 25 years is an achievement no matter who you are.

And I agree with ortizzle - forgetting is going to be way easier, sounds like!

meno said...

holly, thank you! and of course free fine!

MOI, It does indeed have a nice ring. :) Both of my siblings are brothers. I think it doesn't bother them as much, or they do a better job of tuning it out.

chani, i would have been happier with a pleasant lunch. And thank you.

herimiah, life before marriage? What is this life you speak of? Thank you for the congrats!

d-man, i am holding that thought close. Unfortunately their taste in wines does not match mine.

lisa, he's a smart man!

bob, it was. thank you. Your method is pretty much what i do, along with some dreading beforehand and complaining afterwards.

marsha, you would NOT recognize that area anymore. Will work on forgiveness...... Thank you!

antonia, my mother would not be silly enough to bet on anything, wehat were you thinking. Hmmph! We are still thinking about London. I will certainly let you know. I think it will be in May. I wonder how pork uteri will be received in Customs?

ortizzle, thank you! yeah, the wine will help with the forgetting.

patches, thank you. Sometimes it has been touch and go, but we are still here.

mal s, thank you.

qt, i take congratulations any old time, so no worries.

Bob said...

hey - you and Laura will be there at the same time. Be sure to wave when you see her.

Tink said...

I would have cracked into that wine right about then. ;)

Happy big two-five.

sari said...

Happy Anniversary!

I like Patty Griffin also.

egan said...

One buck an hour. Fair enough?

meno said...

bob, you mean in London? Tell her to look for the ridiculously tall woman.

tink, i waited until they left, it was lunch after all. Thank you. :)

sari, thank you. She has a new album and is touring. We are going to see her next month. Yay!

egan, i guess i'll get what i pay for!

Liv said...

Ugh! I swear I left a comment, and where is it? Anyway, I was going to say I liked either answer 2 or answer 4. They are both more bear pokingly delicious. Happy Anniversary!

urban-urchin said...

25 years is a long time! YOu guys have been through a lot, it's fantastic that you guys have come so far.

My mom can push all my buttons too so I know how this feels.

Anonymous said...

Mothers and buttons. I know that game. From both sides now, as it happens! Mwahahahaha.

I'll be joining you at the 25 year mark in May. And no, I can't believe it, either!

Jhianna said...

Happy (belated) Anniversary!

meno said...

liv, blogger giving you trouble? Yeah, the second one would have caused my mom to sputter indignantly "You know what i mean!" Thank you.

u-u, yeah, a long loong looong time. :)

jennifer, i can't believe it either! Congratulations. :) My mom makes it so easy to push her buttons, and since i've never had much self restraint....

jhianna, thank you!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Happy anniversary to you both!

My mother never stopped belittling me and I never managed to ignore it.

When she had bunion surgery, I flew to Miami from NY with my youngest child at considerable inconvenience and expense to nurse her through her recovery for several weeks.

As I walked into her hospital room, she said to her young, handsome doctor, "This is my daughter. She's 40 but she still acts like a little girl."

I felt so humiliated that I left, took her car and drove across Florida to Sanibel with my daughter, only returning when she was discharged from the hospital.

And this was probably one of our lesser incidents.