Tuesday, March 27, 2007

If my childhood plans had worked out:

I would be kneeling over the contents of a shark's stomach on the deck of the Calypso alongside of Jacques Cousteau and his son Philippe, wearing a pair of frayed cut-off jeans and a wet suit top. The wet suit top is unzipped so that my ample cleavage is hinted at in a tasteful manner. (That part really is a fantasy.) The shark is the result of my last dive into the uncharted crystal blue waters off the coast of ........somewhere exotic.

A floppy straw hat perches on my head to protect me from the sun, but nonetheless i am deeply tanned and freckled. My hair is streaked with natural blonde highlights. I pay no mind to my stunning good looks.

The excitement is palpable. No one has ever been able to confirm that sharks eat.....whatever is in the shark's stomach; kittens, kelp, Brillo pads, Nemo. Who knows, but we are stunned by this important scientific discovery.

That night we sit in the ship's galley, lit by the light of the swaying lanterns and plan the next day's dive.

During the season when the boat is in dry dock, i live in a beautiful old house with an incredibly handsome man who sees me for the wonder that i am. The house is filled with books and plants. My students come and visit me at home where we stay up late arguing over the latest theory of marine life while dining on some of that marine life. The handsome man cooks.

At night the house elves come to clean the house and hand wash all my casual yet expensive clothes.


Thank you amusing, for this request. I had great fun.


Lynnea said...

Oh man, the house elves had me laughing clear out loud. My son doesn't get why that cracks me up so. I love this. I'm going to do one myself, probably tomorrow.

You the marine biologist working with the Cousteau's...um, so the handsome man isn't Phillipe? I'm just saying.

thailandchani said...

This actually does look like an interesting exercise. LOL

Very interesting fantasy. Mine would be working with, a student of, Joseph Campbell, and I'd write long books on cultural anthropology and the role of myth. (sigh)

Of course, I'd need a lot more brain power and a better education for that one!



Mignon said...

I'd be happy with just the elves.

Lynn said...

I felt like I was reading the prologue for a "bodice ripper"...I am waiting with baited breath for the rest of the story. By the way...could you please send the house elves over to my house? Pretty please with sugar on top?

QT said...

Love this! Especially the house full of books and plants...I am working on that myself, tho not in a beautiful old house by the sea.

I am with everyone else on the elves.

meno said...

maggie, now, where ARE those elves? No, Philippe ain't so handsome, at least i don't remember him being so.

chani, oh please try it, it's fun.

mignon, as would i friend. Or the man who cooks.

lynn, this was my 12 year old self's dream, so sex was beginning to be of great interest. My elves are your elves!

qt, where are those damn elves? They need to get cracking on dusting the books and the plants!

Liv said...

that was terrific. let's do it again soon!

Special K ~Toni said...

Freaking hilarious! I would just be happy with 'dining on marine life' that i don't have to cook!

Anonymous said...

Can I pick and choose? I want the "Ample cleavage", "Stunning good looks" and the house elves, in fact, I'd rather have the house elves more than anything, even the handsome man thing.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard! Thank you Meno!
Somehow I was there with you guys on that boat. Oh! But Phillipe, that Meno, she is so charmante, so beautiful, sooo smaaart!(strong, nasal french accent.

jaded said...

Uh..sorry about the house elves. I thought they were renegade garden gnomes. The little bastards were digging up my daffodil bulbs so I HAD to shoot them with the B.B. gun.

Are we allowed to use the phrases "ample cleavage" and "tasteful" in the same sentence?

Mona Buonanotte said...

Hey! That's what I wanted to be! Well, in 6th grade, anyway. Especially the cleavage part.

Bob said...

I'm with Lynn - I thought I'd stumbled into a Kathleen Woodiwiss novel.

I wanted to be an astronaut and help build the first space station. I was a huge science fiction fan and couldn't wait until we were commuting to work in space.

I too would ask for the elves, but my cats would just eat them.

amusing said...

Oh, brava! Lovely job.
Though having read yours and Liv's, I'm now seeing that I was a bit quirky by having no interest in boys/men or sex nor wanting a husband or family. Now, I WOULD want someone to cook for me (oh, and send me a box o' them house elves -- unless they're like Dobby), but I don't think I ever gave any thought to food when I was dreaming up my big plan.

sari said...

I am a world famous author who didn't publish her first book until after she was 40. I travel the world doing book signings and research for my next book (fiction, of course) and all of my favorite writers come to see me because they want to meet me.

My family stays home and we live in a huge house by the beach. My husband homeschools my kids, and we have a huge garden that we grow all of our own fruits and vegetables in, and we have a few farm animals as well (that we don't eat).

We also have a pack of well behaved dogs that roam around and also the requisite cat or eight, and none of us has allergies any more so the cats can come inside.

Also, I'm a serene mother - nothing ruffles me, not mud, not bugs, not a tree cracking in half and falling in the yard or the screen door falling off again.

Ok, I'd settle for the serene part, and wouldn't even ask for house elves, though I would like the beach house. And a little discipline to actually write. And yes, the tree actually cracked in half today and the screen fell off though I'll admit, I wasn't too serene about it.


Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, I love this. I'm working on mine. Your house elves reminded me of my fantasy of having a brownie clean the house at night. (Not the junior Girl Scout kind, but the fairy, 'War for the Oaks' by Emma Bull kind.)

meno said...

liv, i'll have to come over and read yours. This was fun!

toni, yes, i love marine life. Sauteed. :)

deb, i'm still waiting for that ample cleavage.

caro, try it too! It's fun.

patches, So it was you who shot them! Well you can clean my house now.

mona, it's a big boat, you can come too.

bob, there was plenty of yearning when i was that age, for what i wasn't exactly sure. i think my cats would eat the elves too.

amusing, glad you liked it. :) I like to eat, especially when someones else cooks and the elves clean.

sari, oh i like it! I wanted lots of animals too. I'm still trying for serene. Let me know if you figure it out. A tree cracked in half? That's exciting, and scary.

nancy, i can't wait to read it. Brownies? Hmmm, now i'm hungry.

Antonia Cornwell said...

You ought to write steamy novels. Or maybe it would drive you bananas.

Have just caught up with the last four or five posts - hope you're feeling happy and okay. Good vibes to you.

Anonymous said...

You and I are not very different, because I too dream the same dream.

Lucia said...

I was with you there on the look until we got the floppy straw hat. Tee hee! Cut-offs. Check! Ample cleavage. Check! Floppy straw hat? Hmm.

A very enjoyable read.

peevish said...

I kept hearing the soundtrack to "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" in the background as I read this. Good times.

Mother of Invention said...

I love the contents of the shark's stomach! And the fact that all those cute girls who have it all on those Nature shows all do seem oblivious to their good looks! If only, eh?
I guess you'd have to have your sea legs...I'd be falling into the camera!

Girlplustwo said...

i love this. but can you make your boobs bounce while you bend over the shark? I've heard you know how to do that.

i love this fantasy, entirely.

meno said...

antonia, there you are! I've thought about writing romance novels, but i'll bet it's alot like work! I'm doing fine, just wallowing a bit there for a while, thanks for the vibes, those are always useful. :)

winter, it would be a great life. I used to love those TV shows he did. Sigh!

lucia, the floppy straw hat demonstrates my indifference to my stunning good looks, thus rendering me even more attractive. Right?

lisa, that was a fun, but odd, movie. We even own the soundtrack. I'll have to play it now.

moi, The contents of the stomach show that i am A SERIOUS SCIENTST, despite my looks. :)

jen, i'll have to work on the bouncing while bending thing, but i'm sure i can perfect it!

Lee said...

Oh lord...I'd be wearing a uniform cleaning up barf. Yes I'd be a stewardess. Hey I was only 5.

egan said...

I see you had a fantastic sleep last night.

Joan said...

OMG...we must be twin sisters in another life. When I was young, I had this incredible crush on Philippe Cousteau and had very much the same daydreams about my life to come. The thing that eventually cured this fantasy, however, was the realization that I was afraid of being in water over my head and I didn't know how to swim...yep, that'll crush a young girl's dreams.

urban-urchin said...

You don't have house elves??? And fyi you posted a pic of your neck a while ago and it had a gratitous pic of your chi-chi's and if I am permitted to say- they're not bad.