Thursday, October 04, 2007

In Which i try to Pass

Today i tried to go and act like a real girl. I went shopping for quilt fabric with 3 other women. We are going to make either a holiday table runner or holiday place mats.

The prerequisite was to bring a plate from our holiday dishes. You know, so we can match the fabric to our dishes.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...heh.

Holiday dishes? Someone does not know me. I do not own Holiday Place Settings. I wonder why i would ever need more than one set of dishes. They would just take up space and need dusting. And they would probably have cranberries or some such as a theme. Cranberries. Me. Ha.

I am lacking in a major girl gene.

I tried to fit in. But they knew i was an impostor. We all had a good laugh because they figured that i was not the type to have holiday dishes. They were right.

But my god, how long can anyone be at a fabric store and talk about color matching and undertones and shit?

A long time apparently.


Lynn said...

I don't have holiday dishes either...seems like a waste of space, and a waste of time to me, too.

flutter said...

Holiday dishes? I am the ubergirl and I don't have that....

Biscotto said...

Reminds me of scrapbooking. I know a woman who does the whole bit--fancy papers, fancy scisoors, cute stickers. She goes through great effort to make each page. I have the same thought every time that I see one of her pages: the stickers looks great but the photographs look like shit. She starts with a poorly lit picture in which the people look like they are just recovering from a vicious bout of the flu. The image is small, the subjects inside the image are smaller, their eyes are red and the cropping of the whole image is horribly unbalanced. She surround this with pastel plaids and puffy letters until the picture, ugly as it is, is nearly invisible on the page.

Ah, well, to each his own. Your friends can buy, use and wash and pack away their holiday dishes, my friend can scrapbook until she is giddy from glue gas and marker mist. There is no need for me to be so harsh. You and I each have our own wasteful ways, to be sure.

Still, your post leads me to wonder if the women who delight in their holiday dishes and matching table linens make just as much of an effort to make sure that the food served on those dishes is really good?

Because I, personally, would rather eat sublime served on stoneware than sawdust served with sterling.

Lynnea said...

No holiday dishes here either. I wouldn't call me an uuber girl but I am the ultimate enthusiast for Christmas. I do admit to having holiday placemats - but that's all. And I think they're funny.
As for standing around in a fabric store - guilty. I don't picture myself talking about undertones though. I just like to handle all the bolts and allow myself to be enamored by interesting patterns. It's a textile thing.
How did you survive?

Unknown said...

Maybe they have classes on how to be a girl that we missed? I'll check with my local community college and let you know :)

Anonymous said...

A for effort.

AC said...

Uh Oh. I have holiday dishes. But a teeny tiny family and an anti-social nature. That makes me even, doesn't it?

Bob said...

So, you didn't get the Martha Stewart gene?

My mom collects spode Christmas china, but doesn't have special dinnerware for any other holiday.

since I am the tailor of the family (I was going to write sewer but it just didn't look right) I will occasionally go through the fabric stores in search of the materials of a project. Which reminds me, it is almost time to start my annual Christmas vest.

gary rith said...

Our holiday dishes, for guests, are paper plates and napkins!!!!!! Who wants to wash dishes after 6 guests???

ms chica said...

I'd comment but I can't seem to wipe this stupid added smile of my face.

Girlplustwo said...

i'd so be sitting next to you in the back of the class, making paper airplanes.

and giggling.

ms chica said...

Okay I'm better now. I come from a two to three sets of dishes family, you can imagine their disappointment when I said one set was enough.

The Mister oddly has the Martha Stewart gene. He continues to collect biscotti jars and he mentioned replacing the dishes a few months ago because they had scratches (they're dark blue). I said what WTF, they're dishes, and we use them, you know like we're supposed to? They aren't cracked, broken and we aren't cursed with any shortages due to breakage. Nobody sees them but us, because guest are served from the finest plastic plates the grocery store has to offer.

Daphne Enns said...

Okay, okay, I CAN talk about matching and undertones and "shit" but that's the painter and interior designer in me.

But, I am no girly girl either and would never bother with theme-dishes. What a waste of money, space, and material.

I don't paint my nails because I don't know who's hands I'm wearing and it's stinky. I don't do a lot of girly things, too numerous to list.

But talk about colour in certain contexts and you've got me pretty excited.

Andrea Frazer said...

I don't have holiday dishes. I only have 8 regular ones, half are Fiesta Ware, half bachelor white. But I do like the idea of holiday dishes. I grew up with Spode, and it was so exciting each year when it was pulled out. And I do love me a nice cup of coffee on porcelain. Mmmmm... But I don't consider myself a classic girl either. Whatever floats yer boat, right?

Princess in Galoshes said...

How the heck do you get matching HOLIDAY dishes??? I had to get married just to get regular dishes! Do people give you Thanksgiving salad sets when you have a baby or something??? Seriously.

Also, re: the last post, no, he WON'T let me kick him in the nuts! I have tried! He is amazingly swift when it comes to his crotch and pointy-toed shoes.

thailandchani said...

I'm afraid the girls and I would have to come up with a different bonding ritual. :)



Schmoopie said...

LMAO! You are so funny :)

Marshamlow said...

I inherited a set of fine china from my grandma. It is not at all my taste, covered with pink roses and gold edges, yet I loved her and therefore love to pull it all out for the holidays. I wonder if that counts? As for my other dishes, I really love dishes, I have this collection, but I got it all from thrift stores and none of it matches. Each plate, glass, bowl is from places I have been or just something I picked up at a thrift store and enjoy. I think I missed the matching gene, and got an extra helping of the odd gene.

megabrooke said...

wowza. well i can be a pretty girly girl at times, but i dont think ill ever do the holiday dish thing!

Liv said...

Okay, so, it's been all cool and everything to tow the party line, but here I end the good time gang's motif. I have the following:

Spode Christmas Tree
Casual pottery for everyday
Antique Johnson Bros. china
Spode Thanksgiving settings
Limoges fine china

Do I get the award for girliest girl?

Liv said...

oh, and to answer biscotto, hell yes. I cook amazingly well for my collection of dishes.

meno said...

lynn, i know i am not the only one, but it sure feels like it sometimes. Glad you are here to support my lack of girlyness.

flutter, what? You are the ubergirl and you have no holiday dishes? Maybe someday. :)

biscotto, i know some scrapbookers too. I have even been invited to go to a party where they can try and sell me things. I don't criticize these things, i just DON'T get it. At all. I'm with you on the food, that is my first priority, bring on the paper plates.

maggie, ah HA! Holiday placemats! I'll soon have some too. :) I can handle the fabric store for a while, but after about an hour my eyes glaze over. I survived by looking at crochet patterns and pretending that someday i might actually make something useful.

wng, ha ha! That would be ever so helpful.

de, thank you. I did have fun.

ac, oh holiday dishes are fine. It was just the way that they assumed that i would have some. Me. Ha. I bet your table looks lovely.

bob, no, sadly lacking in the MS department. I had never heard of Spode until yesterday. I think i saw a photo last year of your Christmas vest. Make sure we get to see this year's too.

gr, i like the way you think.

ms. chica, glad you were able to wipe that smile off your face. To tell you the truth, i DO have a set of fine china. But my mother gave it to me and it is sitting in the basement in boxes.

jen, and when we got kicked out together we could go have a drink!

daphne, make no mistake, i admire them for their perserverance and knowledge. But i can only take so much. About art i might like to talk with you about colors. But for a quilt? I would just let someone else pick out the fabric so i can do the sewing.

mamap, well let's have a bake sale so we can finance you some spode dishes. :)

princess, apparently you go to the store and BUY them, with money. Money that could have been spent on wine, or something really important like that. I suppose you might not like the resulting damage if you did connect with the nuts. Might put a crimp in your sex life.

chani, you know, i did have fun. But i just couldn't pretend that i was all jazzed about holiday dishes. It's okay though, they laughed at me and so did i.

schmoopie, c'mon, you have the dishes don't you? Confess.

marsha, i have some inherited dishes too. And i like them for the same reason you do. Although pink roses might strain my acceptance. I love the idea of an eclectic mix of dishes that don't match.

brookem, just you wait young lady. Check back in when you reach 50 and we'll see.

crazymumma said...

You cracked me up. I am toatally shitty at doing the girly shopping things as well.

Holiday plates? Wow.

TTQ said...

Did you know you can buy stuff after Christmas for 75% off and sometimes 90% off? That way you don't pay full price for materials and labor is already included! Then you could buy placemats and table runners AND dishes and have them all match.

One of my personalities seems to think she is Martha Fucking Stewart, but luckily for the rest of us, she only comes out every now and again. And today was one of the lucky days, check my blog later for pictures.

Unknown said...

Oh yay! Another straight-acting-gay-man trapped in a woman's body. Join us!!!

Tink said...

Not only do I not own a set of holiday dishes, but I use two glasses with christmas trees on them all year round. They were given to me as a gift one year by someone who apparently believes in holiday dishes.

meno said...

liv, no need to fall in line here. If i had had to guess, i would have guessed that you have holiday dishes. I have some Limoges too, but i inherited it. And you totally win! Someday i hope to get you to cook for me.

crazymumma, i have about a 2 hour shopping limit, and then i can't take it anymore. That usually means it's snack time.

ttq, yes, but i would have to CARE to get these items. I'll be by to check out your martha moment.

nancy, is there a secret handshake or something cool like that? I'm totally in. When you comin' back to Seattle?

tink, for years the Mister and i used the two glasses that we got free from a gas station. They had Tweety Bird on them. We are so sophisticated.

luckyzmom said...

I have Waechtersbach up the wazoo(try to say that 3 times fast), clear glass dinnerplates and bowls embossed with poinsettias, 4 only luncheon plates with Christmas plate around the rim and holy in the center as well as Christmas dishtowels and hotpads, placemats and napkins. All gifts or bought at after Christmas prices and seldom used anymore. It was fun while it lasted. I also have Minton fine china which has been boxed away since our move from WA, and sterling. I have broken most of the crystal though. I love dishes and often while shopping wish I needed more. My daughter quilts and I have (many years ago) been paid to sew for people who didn't know how. I could spend hours and hours in a fabric store. I could also spend hours and hours in a Lowes or any other hardware store, a garden nursery. Drop me off at a museum when it opens and pick me up when it closes. Now what was the topic of this post?

luckyzmom said...

That us ...."with Christmas PLAID around the rim and HOLLY in the center".

Mermaid Melanie said...

Never enter into such a venture without an escape plan. Like diarrhea! (maybe too graphic, but you get what I am saying)

its fun for like 20 mins, then I want out of there.

Mrs. Chili said...

My "holiday dishes" are my wedding china. White with a gold rim on the edge - they go with everything.

egan said...

I know fabric stores too well. My mom dragged me to those boring places as a child. I hope to never ever step foot in one again.

amusing said...

So in an act of pure contrariness, did you bring paper plates?

Oh, and hey-- whaddya'll think: Christmas at Liv's? Give her a chance to trot out every dish she owns? See you there.

Sienna said...

This is so funny! I don't even understand it, but it's funny about the girly stuff-me too!!

I just don't *get* fabric shops...something is missing in me too, the fabric gene (my Mum is Queen of fabric and sewing and craft and all that stuff). I am wtf??

It has never been there (in me)...and wait for this!! When I was doing my equine studies at Uni ...part of it is business studies, the lecturer told me the most favorable, most popular shop you could ever have your business next door to is *Spotlight*-its a frigging fabric store, a franchise? of fabric stores!!

I was dumbfounded. I walk into these stores (take my Mum shopping) and start to get really tired and sleepy?? I am not being rude to all the spotlight shoppers it just bores the pants off me..

I still don't know what a holiday dish is? You have done well Meno to even *know*

I spent my girly childhood climbing trees, finding animals, and reading and having imaginary horses I would care for...Instead of girly stuff genes I got monkey, bookworm and animal love genes.

LOL!! I love that there is someone else in the world that is female and not into fabric stuff.


Dick said...

A long time in a fabric store? Uhh, not me. Now a book store or a good electronics place, that would be fun.

SUEB0B said...

At my house, we have holiday paper plates. Saves on the washing up.

sari said...

I think Fiesta ware is holiday-ey enough for me. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I'm with you. I don't have "holiday" dishes for every flippin' season that rolls around. (I give to charities, ha, ha). And the matching runner? Hey, I love to talk about color, but that's way too worky for my life style.

My plates? A set of Talavera I bought last time I was visiting the homeland. And yes, I use 'em every day. They're beautiful. Why should they wait for a holiday? (Or a matching runner, LOL.)

For the record, I don't think you're missing the "real girl" gene any more than I am. I nurture. I can be houseproud. I'm just missing the artificial chromosome that manufacturers tell us we need to have by bombarding us with images of women taking their holiday plates to the fabric store. (Remember The Hidden Persuaders?!!)

Susanne said...

You know I'm a bit torn about this one. First, I don't own "holiday dishes" or something and I lack the decorating gene for sure. Second, I have been in three fabric stores already to search for fabric for a bag. But then I also lack the "indecision gene" (which is female too) and so I left when I found that there were only three fabrics I liked, they didn't match each other and were way too expensive.

I'd like to see pictures of the finished sewing please.

Mother of Invention said...

I'd have to leave and go for coffee! Wanna come?!!!

(I've made cranberry sauce a few times and put it in my grandma's matching bowl..but I guess that doesn't count for much, eh?!)

Em said...

Holiday dishes? We thought the holidays were the time to use our ONE set of dishes instead of paper plates.

QT said...

That day sounds like my definition of hell. Kudos to you for giving it a whirl.

And no holiday dishes here, tho I come from a house with everyday place settingsw (chipped, cracked non-matching) and dinner guest place settings - white, no chips, everything matches.

Bobealia... said...

These people sound like they would wear elementary school teacher vests. I don't even have "good dishes" and "every day dishes" like most people. I just have "every day dishes."
We can be friends.
We could make a crazy quilt.

peevish said...

Were they also wearing the obligatory X-Mas sweaters? With blinking reindeer noses and everything? Gah! This would be right up my MIL's alley, except for the crafting bit. For a woman who grew up poor on a farm with 6 siblings, she is amazingly inept in all the Martha categories. I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those sweaters, or keeping special holiday dishes, yet I can cook & knit her pants off. Not that I'd want to. Oh God, why am I not back-spacing right now?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Oh, dear god, it could have been me. How on earth did you get yourself into such a situation?

Holiday dishes? I think you slipped into a time warp and ended up in 1956.

About every ten years of so, I buy a copy of Vogue or Marie-Claire "to see what women are up to." I usually forget to read it, though, or get a few pages in and switch to a book.

Some of us were just not born with that Girl Gene, and it cannot be faked convincingly.