Monday, December 19, 2011

Bonding and waiting


My baby girl turned 21 a month ago.  It's been a time for bonding moments.  I bought her her first legal drink (it was a martini!), and today we had our first mother-daughter trip to the liquor store.

It was so beautiful.


In other news:

I am waiting.  Waiting to feel a reduction in anxiety, waiting to feel free.  I realize it's a long process, but dammit all, i wish it would hurry.  So wanting to avoid writing the same old thing, i don't write at all.

I should be divorced by the end of January.  I just never saw myself as someone who would be divorced.  I know people who have has two and three (and sometimes more) spouses and i always felt (i hate to admit this, but i will) slightly superior.  And then fate came along to kick me right in my smug ass.

Peace to you all.


Mrs. Chili said...

There are some things in our lives that we literally can't control. Don't beat yourself up about being smug; you were working with the information you had at the time.

I'm glad you're able to bond with Em. Love that time.

Anonymous said...

My middle daughter just turned 21 at the beginning of December.

It will get better, it has gotten better. Being divorced doesn't bother me, I don't feel any different actually. I'm still me, only not so unhappy.

Merry Christmas woman. Take care.

Taradharma said...

did Em actually LIKE the martini? Wow.

Even though I've been married 3 times, I still feel as if people who maintain marriages are superior. Brainwashing works, doesn't it? For me to have stayed married to my spouses would have been absolute folly. Crazy town.

Welcome, in advance, to the ranks of those who have legally dissolved their legal contract with the state. Life gets better. Really.

Lynnea said...

Wow, 21!

Anyways, it's not you that ended the marriage. And you're growing from the experience, so you've got that to be proud of.

Peace to you too.

Dick said...

I agree with what the others have said. And, while for a different reason, your marriage ending is no more your fault than Pat's first and my first marriages ending was our fault. But we finding each other and "it" working so well is proof that "it" can happen again. Just give it some time and in the meantime be glad that you have Em and the rest of your family around close.

Magpie said...

wishing you peace and hoping for better.

fiwa said...

"And then fate came along to kick me right in my smug ass."

Darlin', that's always the way of it. If I had a nickle for every time fate has done that to me, I'd be a rich woman.

I don't care if you say the same thing each time, say it if you need to get it out. I'll reply with what I always do. Hang in there, and know that we care about you.

fiwa said...

Oh crap, I forgot. Happy Birthday, Em! I like a woman who skips the fruity/sweet drinks and goes straight for a martini.

T. said...

Reading through your blog back to March, I see that our divorce timeline is very similar. (My husband without any warning ended our marriage early last April.)

Having buried my first husband, I'd venture to say that divorce is actually worse, in many respects. I know that sounds odd, but at least in death it's over, fini, there's no running into the ex. at the bookstore, there's no new girlfriend, there's no loss of his larger extended family.

One of my sisters actually said to me, "Wow! You get to start an entirely new life!! FUN!!!"

My response, "Um, not so fun, actually."

I too wish it would hurry. I feel robbed of so much time. And those who haven't gone through this really have no idea how incredibly painful it is. It is death -- with intent.

Sorry for such a long rant my first visit here, but your blog really struck a chord with me.

Peace to you also.

And may the new year bring to each of us a respite from this deep-seated anxiety.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Congratulations on Em's coming of age to be her mama's drinking buddy.

I've been married three times, although I certainly didn't plan it that way. The first was secretly gay, the second died of cancer, and when Flip came along, I couldn't think of any reason not to marry him because he was perfect. Life happens.

I hope you regain your sense of how wonderful you are and relearn happiness in the new year.

jaded said...

I think you have earned the right to maintain that smugness, but for a different reason. Over the years, you have worked harder than many people do to make a marriage work. You shouldn't feel less simply because you could only influence one-half of the outcome. You're still one of my heroes.

Happy birthday, em!

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Merry Christmas, Meno! And Happy Birthday, Em!

Wishing you peace for the new year!!

Bob said...

We celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary last night. I sometimes think that it is as much or more luck that we are still together. Yes, we work at it. But still, when I think back on our marriage I see turning points and know that any of them could have easily gone wrong instead of right and I'd be on my own. I'm certainly not smart enough to have kept Laura this long without some generous help from fate, chance, or stray atomic particles careening through my brain making me make this choice instead of that.

I miss hearing your voice, I think of you often. My fondest wish is for you to find your own peace.

Merry Christmas.

luckyzmom said...

I too miss hearing from you. Will be waiting patiently for your new normal.

Merry Christmas.

Jocelyn said...

The big news here is that I initially misread your first line and thought your daughter had just turned 21 MONTHS. When it seemed you were steering her towards martinis, I thought to myself, "Now HERE'S a blog I can follow faithfully."

Ah, well, you still have my attention.

I have been witness to the divorces of a handful of strong, brilliant women in recent years. Ultimately, I end up with respect at the courage it took for them to make the choices that might, eventually, get them to a place of happiness. May you be on that path.

De said...

I intended to leave a brilliant, witty comment about ten days ago. I know you know that and will fill in the blanks for me. I do appreciate it. my friend.

Happy Birthday to Em. I hope she is doing well and continuing to become the considerate, clever woman she was well on her way to being way back when you used to be able to write about her.

You're sounding incrementally better. Feelings are only temporary - something to be acknowledged but not held on to. I've also been exploring/ working with the idea that all of our experiences/memories are fluid within us, so that the past is not buried, but right here with us. You can recall a good moment to enjoy again, or you can recall a moment you are less pleased with - like those times you felt smug - and correct them in your mind, alleviating any reason for regret.

Alan said...

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You've done your best, and that's all any of us can do along this mystery called life. Best Wishes for a Happy New Year!

Maddy said...

I remember holding my sisters hand [long distance] waiting for her divorce to be finalized. It always seems to take so much longer than they tell you and the waiting is the worst.

andrea frazer said...

I will always check in with you, divorced or not. I just know that one day you will look back over this with a drink in your hand and a better man and more important, with peace inside you.

nick said...

I hope fate comes along and kicks you straight back into a better place. The anxiety and despair can only last so long.