Monday, April 29, 2013

Etiquette Question

On Friday, i met Jackson for coffee.

What is the protocol for meeting with the man who is the ex-husband of the woman for whom your husband left you?  The woman who left him for your (now) ex-husband? Do you shake hands?  How does the conversation start?  Will the outcome be what we want? Is the meeting just an exercise in pricking open a barely healing wound?  Will there be copious bleeding?  Will i be sorry?  Will he be sorry?  Who THE FUCK knows?  Miss Manners never wrote about how to deal with this situation.

We talked for an hour and a half.  This is a man that i do not really know, but with whom i share an incredibly intimate experience.  I learned a lot about what happened.  Details of the extensive lying and cheating.  Things i had only suspected.  About how little regard either of the two cheaters had for past attachments, and for either of us.

I like knowing the truth, even if it hurts.

Meanwhile, my ex and Jackson's ex are off on their extensive, expensive honeymoon.  I wish them hell.

I'm glad i went.  And Jackson sent me a very nice email, thanking me for the meeting and saying that it had been helpful for him.  I will not likely see him again, but it's nice to know he's out there.

So much sadness and hurt because of two selfish, reckless people.


jaded said...

I don't think Miss Manners was qualified to address the modern dilemmas linked with narcism…but I never really thought it was so damn important how I arranged forks on the table as long as I didn't lick them first..

I hope this meeting addressed some of the questions your ex never had the balls to answer. Peace friend.

Bob said...

That sounds like something you needed - some closure. Knowing the details hurts, but there is something in human nature that wants to know the whole story - and in so knowing lets us let it go.

I'm glad you went, I'm glad you know.

How does someone believe the promise to love, honor & cherish 'till death them do part, when both of them know that the other broke earlier versions of that promise?

I don't like wishing anyone ill, but I can't help feeling that your ex is a creep and therefore I will not wish him well. (I think they deserve each other and the doubts they will invariably have about each other.)

mischief said...

Nope, no etiquette you have to follow with this one. It's a very unusual situation and you do not owe you ex any kind of special consideration as you decide how to proceed here. I say stay in touch with Jackson, be a friend to him. He probably understands your pain better than anyone, and vice versa. Perhaps you can be good support to each other. And after you're done performing autopsies, maybe you'll find that you have enough foundation to be friends who talk about other things too. Sometimes we find allies and friends in the strangest of places.

mischief said...
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Mrs. Chili said...

I'm glad you got to do this.

Therese said...

I wish them Hell. I've never heard that one. It's going to stick.

I owe you an email.

Lynnea said...

What an odd but golden opportunity. Imagine how wonderful their life will be, watching each other out of the corner of their eyes, checking each other's phone and internet histories, constantly doubting every step. Because if they don't do that, they're idiots on top of being the biggest, rottenest liars.

I don't just wish you well, I wish you healed and gloriously happy.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like it was good for both of you.

luckyzmom said...

If they'll do it with them they'll do it to them. They'll get theirs, probably as soon as the blush leaves the relationship.

lu said...

Oh, Meno, I've been trying to find some kind of wisdom to pass on, but all I have today is Love, so much love.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Meno, I'm surprised and delighted you're back. So am I, after a very long hiatus. I've caught up here and think meeting Jackson and discussing the situation you share will definitely help you both to understand to the core that you are far too good for the treatment you received, and that there are, indeed, good, honest, honorable, loyal and caring people in the world. What is more, you are both free to find such people now that you are no longer saddled with selfish narcissists. It's really wonderful to hear you sounding so strong and confident, as you deserve to be.

Magpie said...

Wow, what a freaky weird coincidence. But good.