Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I'm okay, You're okay.

I feel a little bit like i should explain.  

This is my venting place, where i can express things that are better left unsaid in the real world.  I am not bitter and unhappy all the time.  In fact, much of the time i am okay.  Sometimes i am even happy.  And sometimes i get mad and have ugly emotions. That's when you are likely to hear from me, which gives a skewed view of my life and mind.

It's just taking some time for me to adjust to....everything.  Being single after 35 years of couplehood is difficult, and interesting, and crushing and freeing.  I feel no need to rush in to another relationship.  Perhaps i'll never have another one, perhaps i will.  Truthfully, i hope i do.  But it is hard for me to imagine a man that will like me that i will like back.  But stranger things have happened.  I know how it's done these days, online.  I'm just not ready to go there. Yet.

Deb asked me what made me happy today.  Here's a list:

  • I have a job, three days a week.  Not for the money (although money is nice), but for a reason to get out of bed and be somewhere.  I like my job.  I feel valued and helpful and it's interesting and flexible.
  • Tonight's sunset is truly amazing.
  • Em is here, living with me.  She makes me laugh. Out loud.
  • My cat is old, but healthy. 
  • Some nights dinner is cereal, or crackers and cheese and apples.  And no one cares.
  • Some nights dinner is cookies.
  • I have some really wonderful and diverse friends. I want to expand on this because friends are the best.  Never forget that.
  • Pharmaceuticals.
  • Marijuana is legal in Washington.
  • Sleep.
  • Summer.
  • Real farm fresh eggs.
  • Basil.
  • I got 4 hugs today.
  • Tapering off pharmaceuticals.
  • The internet.
  • Did i mention friends?
  • A sign at a gas station today that read "YOUR ON VIDEO"  So clueless.


Bob said...

I'm glad you posted this - it made me smile, and feel better about you. I do worry (did, I guess I should say) about how things were going for you.

Having Em at home I'm sure is terrific. Neither of our kids have moved out, and despite some frustration, they are good company for my wife while I'm away during the week. Plus my lawn gets mowed while I'm gone. Bonus for everyone.

mischief said...

Absolutely understood. I always think that if anyone in my real life found my online blog they would be horrified, thinking that I was completely insane because I only really feel moved to write stuff when I have a strong feeling about something, which isn't most of the time, but it means the blog only provides insights into the crazy parts of my world. Who would bother to sit down and write, "Today I vaccuumed the living room floor and then I ate some crackers"? Well. I think I've written things like that, but only because it inspired some enormous feeling that somehow went with it!

I love the gas station sign too. I wonder why so much of the world is so inept at using apostrophes appropriately.

jaded said...

Some nights dinner...yup that I can identify. Just substitute scrambled eggs and red wine for cheese and apples.

luckyzmom said...

Thanks, I needed that!

Suebob said...

I wonder what people think of me after they read my blog. It's such random randomness.

Anonymous said...

I also tend to write the hard stuff too, it's how I figure things out in my head. I like your list, I'm glad you're getting hugs, and apparently marijuana:) I've always wanted to try it, maybe one day.

Take care woman.