Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Three things that i'm NOT sorry about.

1.) I've decided that this blog is to become an Apology Free Zone. I will never again apologize for being boring. I don't like it when other bloggers apologize for it. It engenders a rash of, "oh no you're not" comments. We vote with our time. When i become interested in someone's life, the minutia of it are not boring to me. So i won't apologize and i hope you won't either.

2.) I was intrigued by the reactions to my last post, about crushes. I don't recall reading much about this elsewhere, but everyone knew what i meant. I am always suspicious of people who say that they have never been attracted to anyone else after they were in a committed relationship. It's like those couples who say they never fight. They are either dead or liars. Either way i am not interested. It's that idealized view of LOVE that causes so much disappointment and searching. I'm not saying that anyone will do. God no. I couldn't bear to be with someone who was humorless or mean or.....many things. But maybe more understanding of just how our hearts work would be helpful.

3.) Got my car back last night. The left rear door (point of impact) won't lock. You'd think after 2.5 months that they could have gotten it right. Back to the shop. Also, the Mister went to court this morning about the accident. It looks like the guy wasn't trying to get out of the ticket, he was just looking for something called "mitigation" wherein the ticket gets deferred and then dropped if it was his first one and he doesn't get another within a year. He did get insurance 3 days after the accident. I wonder if his new insurance company knows about this. Just curious, it's not really any of my business.


Lucia said...

Or is it an idealized view of sex? Most of my crushes I don't want to live with. I just want to have a few glorious weeks of passion and then go back to my life. I figure in a couple of weeks, their cracks would show, and I'd realize it was all an illusion.

Now every time I come back to your blog, my crushes come right to the top of my mind.

Lynnea said...

This post for some reason brought to mind the Mad Hatter and his Unbirthday parties. This is an UnApology Post.

That car is just screaming to get replaced. As for the driver, did it get mitigated? Wasn't he drunk and driving without insurance? C'mon.

Dick said...

1. I don't think anyone is boring but we all do have times when we are more or less motivated.

2. That was a very good post and it did indeed get some good comments.

3. I'll bet the car place just never tried locking that door. Not a good excuse, but I'll bet that's what happened. Is the court thing over or does the Mister have to go back? Remember he probably earns something like $10 a day for every day he has to go to court. That would buy lunch at Mickey Ds. Or two mochas.

Marshamlow said...

Lovely, the no apology zone. I have such a hard time wraping my mind around the idea of love/crushes/sex trying to impart what I have figured out to my daughter. I hate the thought of her making all the same mistakes and having all the same heart breaks. I find that I talk and talk and never say anything, because while the concepts make sense to me, they don't seem to come out making any sense to her. Anyways, I really like how you phrased it, gave me some clarity.

Anonymous said...

If you slip and we catch you, can there be a prize? Like another post or picture? I am really looking forward to Mr. Gump in his holiday regalia.

Also, thank you. Some people have opinions about (fill-in-the-blank) blogs, saying they are unprofessional, sloppy, boring, etc., and that kind of rankles. I'm just a big Chocolate Lab, giving sloppy wet kisses to everyone. No apologies.

No one mentioned being the object of a crush. Just wondering. The object of my crush enjoyed the attention and didn't do or say anything to help me snap back into reality. After years of this unhealthy obsession (including a time with a bad therapist who wanted to blame my husband instead of me), I finally had a nervous breakdown, quit my job and stayed home for a month. That was almost 6 years ago to the day. Sorry to hijack your blog with my story, but my husband reads mine. Even though that's all thankfully behind me, it's still raw for him.

I don't get why you're not sorry about the car. Are you too mad to be sorry?

meno said...

lucia, that's hard for me to say. i always envisioned a life time of bliss with my crushes, along with the hot sex. Is having your crushes at the top of your mind good or bad?

maggie, He got two tickets from the accident. One for running a stop sign, and one for having no insurance. He was not drunk. The mitigation, which he was granted for the stop sign ticket, means that he has to pay $100 to get monitored by the court and has to not have another violation in the coming year. If he does that, the stop sign ticket will be dropped from his record. I guess you can only do this if it's your first offense.

dick, 1. Sadly, i do find some people boring. 2. Thank you. 3. The mister doesn't have to go back to court. They did offer to pay him mileage too. Although it's only about 10 miles total.

marsha, sigh. There's only so much we can teach them, the rest they have to learn on their own. It can be excruciating to watch.

de, I will certainly post a picture of Mr. Gump in his hat and earrings! The people who criticize certain blogs have one really great option, don't read them. There are some that i read for a while and i don't anymore, but there's just no need to be mean, just quietly leave. As far as i know, i've never been the object of a crush. I appreciate your telling your story. It puts another perspective on the issue. I would like to know more, but i get that for your husband, there is still pain. It's been 13 years for me, and there's still pain. About the car? It's just funny at this point.

Anonymous said...

I was just about to type that Mr. Clean and I never fight because we basically just swallow our anger and walk away, (which is a whole issue in and of itself) when he walked up and handed me the Arts section of the NY Times.

"Here Hon, I brought this home from work for you because there's a couple of things in it that I knew you'd like to see".

We've got some problems, but at the heart of everything there's still alot of love.

I didn't get to respond to the crush post in a timely manner. I just wanted to say that I had a serious crush on a man I worked with a few years ago. I would dream about him all the time and when he stood anywhere near me all of the tiny hairs on my neck and arms would stand on end. All I could think about was pressing him up against a wall and making out like teenagers.

It was the first time since I'd been married that I truly crushed on someone...and boy, it was fun. ;p

Girlplustwo said...

i am glad you got over that apology stuff..

as far as crushes go, i agree w/ lucia, i always end up on some wanderlust when i come over here. and i am with you, my crushes last forever and it is perfect.

Lucia said...

"Is having your crushes at the top of your mind good or bad?"

Hmmm...good question. More neutral than good or bad. In a way, they're just sort of there. I'm not sure I'm ever without one or more, in varying intensities.

Bobealia... said...

Sorry Meno, I'm so sorry that I'm apologizing, but it's just that I'm sorry.

I know, not funny, I think I might be oppositionally defiant.

Arranged marriages all over the world work out for people, so there is more to relationships than crushes, right?

meno said...

greent, just when we want to kill someone, they go and be all thoughful like that. I can't believe you don't fight. Not even snarky under-the-breath remarks? Crushes can be fun! Wheee...

hi jen, glad i'm over it too!

lucia, the condition of being alive i think.

d-man, i love that song too! I can think of a few other songs with that same theme.

bo, You are sorry Miss! There is more than crushes, but they seem to provide something that we want too.

thailandchani said...

Coming in late on this. No apologies, eh? :)

Crushes are a lot of fun but not very reliable. Bobealia is on to something. When you consider arranged marriages do work for people all over the world, there may be some truth to the adage that others sometimes know us better than we do.

But then.. sometimes the reasons are more sinister than that. Aerm.

I would like to find a nice, stable man to marry again one day. I don't care about sparks at this age. I care about stability, kindness, companionability. Until that time, I'll fantasize about sparks and hot sex. Richard Gere can leave his boots under my bed any day. :)

Thailand Gal


Teri M. said...

1. I like it. I have caught myself a couple of times about to write "I dont' have much to say". But then I remember that every one has been duly warned in my header.
2. I'm late in the game on this one, but it reminds me of (geek alert) the whole medieval idea of courtly love, where it was perfectly acceptable for a married woman to have "lovers" who would write her poetry and bring her flowers 'n' stuff.
3. Oy.
(p.s. I love that picture.)

Josephine said...

I think most people get crushes, and I think it's normal and fine for a relationship, as long as you have the brains to see past the heart flutters.

I'm with you on the "I'm boring" bit, I'm tired of hearing that too :)

Anonymous said...

I like your NO APOLOGY idea. It seems all I do lately is apologize for being boring. Because, lately, life is. If everybody's tired of hearing it, everybody must be saying it. What's in the water, I'm curious to know?

If I didn't apologize for being boring, I wouldn't have anything to post about. So, maybe that's the ticket. ;-)

amusing said...

a) is that "The Gates" ? (I just found a scrap of the "saffron" cloth tucked inside one of my books the other day...)

b) am I a big fat loser for not having loads of crushes to look back on? I get them rarely, if ever. Hmmmm. Must ponder what that might mean.

c) Speaking of pointless crushes, Curmudgeon is on the other line trying to convince me to come down there. For sex. Nothing else. I enjoy tormenting him via email, I must confess. Wind him up.

meno said...

thailand gal, good job on the no apology! Arranged marriages do work, sometimes, but i think part of it might be that the expectations are different. Good luck on the stable man thing. :) Until then, Richard Gere will have to do.

teri, 1. yep, we all have dry spells. It's OK. 2. interesting how this has all changed over history. Now we are supposed to be all things to one person. Tisn't possible. 3. no shit! and thank you on the picture.

josephine, yep, and they can be much fun if we understand the nature of it.

jennifer, you know what? your life is not boring, because when the outer life is serene, we get to hear about the inner life.

ms. amusing, a. Why yes it is, we were in NY when it was there, and we spent a day, or two, wandering through Central Park marveling at the silliness of it all. But it made for wonderful pictures. b. You are not a loser, and i'll fight anyone who says it's so. c. You give that man a hard (!) time.

karmic said...

No apologies is right! I don't either, if people like what I have to say substantial or not they will read or not. It's your space to use as you choose.

Oy @ the car!

Anonymous said...

What is this "God, no" comment if you're an atheist?? I find that funny that people who supposidly don't believe in any higher power are the ones when face-to-face with stuff end up calling on God. And by-the-way you're missing a hyphen on the APOLOGY-FREE ZONE. Without it you're saying Apology FREE ZONE. What's that? Knew you couldn't go another day without knowing that. LOL

meno said...

sanjay, you said it!

anon, i don't believe in Pete either, but sometimes i invoke his name. It's just a figure of speech. And i do not claim to be great at either grammar or spelling, but i try. Thanks for pointing that out. I might even fix it, but probably not.

Mother of Invention said...

A blog is different for every one of us. It depends on what your personal mandate is. And that can even change. Mine started as just a place to put my poetry/stories. Then, comments were an added plus. I started commenting on others' a lot and maybe then, I started sharing more of my life. But I realize that if I suddenly stopped, it wouldn't really make much difference to anyone in the big picture of their lives. Mine mostly as I spend a lot of time on the "Blog" part of my life.

Anyway, there is never any need to apologize...a blog is yours and you can do anything you want on it.

I loved your Crush post! It allowed a lot of people to express their thoughts on this and they may never have done this with their own friends.

Andrea Frazer said...

First off, Anon, you crack me up. In case you didn't know, it's easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar. And for all us other Christian women out there, you're kinda making us look bad. Not because we're pussies and are afraid to stand up for our beliefs, but because it's only logical to believe that if we have free choice to accept Jesus as our higher power, wouldn't someone else have equal free choice to accept Buddah? Or nothing? Isn't it God's/Jesus/PacMan's (whoever's) job to make judgement, not ours?

Good idea on the non-apology blogs. I'll say it again - you're stuff rocks. Even if you are a pagan heathen who I'll never see in heaven. I'll miss you. (hee hee)

Onto crushes - I am proud to say that I had five minutes alone today to check out a yard sale. As I stepped out of the car, I saw this incredibly beautiful black man with huge muscles check me up and down. As I picked up a pair of shoes, he said "Man, how tall are you?" I told him. "Wow, you didn't seem so tall when you were sitting in the car." "That's because the man upstairs graced me with long ass legs." Beat. Him: "Yes he did."

Little shivers for the first time in a while. To be acknowledged by a handsome man when I'm normally saddled with kids and waiting for my husband to come home on a Friday? Nice. Go to town, Anonymous... go to town.

urban-urchin said...

I agree people who say they don't fight are lying. They may fight in a quieter or more subtle way but they fight.

So does this mean that your car is going away for another 3 months?

And does the Mister get his car repairs reimbursed by the uninsured driver?