Monday, June 27, 2011


I am wallowing tonight.  All that's missing is the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, a chocolate bar and a box of tissues and i would be a rom-com cliche.

Remember when i used to be funny?

The amount of sadness feels like it will never all come out of me, there's just too much of it. 

Shit you guys, i don't want to do this anymore.  I want it to be done, and forgotten.

On the good side, it's a normal sadness, not the debilitating depression kind of sadness.  What is not sad about 30 years of a relationship ending with a "settlement" deal?  

Yeah, i don't know either.

I hired a lawyer today.  And that statement makes me want to rip my eyes out and howl at the moon.

Will the lols never end?


JelliDonut said...

You are still funny. It's just different now, and that's O.K. Howl as much as you want!

Cat said...

Sometimes life isn't funny. But you're still a great writer, and you have found humor in some pretty dark times.

Hoping the sadness starts to dissipate a little soon.


flutter said...

you are funny, it just isn't serving you right now, when it serves you, it will resurface. You are so very loved.

Lynnea said...

I could be wrong but I think you hit on a key point. It needs to be done. You cannot possibly fully grieve and move on while it is still a large factor in your daily life. Keep pushing to get it done for your sake and when it is done, keep what you fought for, stand your ground to not be sucked into nonsense of any kind so that you can grieve and grieve and grieve until you are done. I see rays of sun off in the distance for you, it's just a matter of getting the crap out of your way to get to it.

And you are funny, even when you don't think so, just in a more cynical wry way. And don't rip out your eyes, they're nice. Howling is permitted on a constant basis however. =)

Love you.

Anonymous said...

What Lynnea said. It sucks, it hurts but you still have to go through it. And normal sad is way better than depression sad.

Take care woman.

Do you still volunteer?

De said...

I haven't looked at it in a while, but the Ben and Jerry's website used to have a flavor graveyard. It was a place for those of us who lost our favorite flavors to reminisce together. I'll never forget Wavy Gravy and The Full Vermonty, but I can see also that good things came along after they were gone.

There is a reason ice cream is an essential ingredient in wallowing.

Now go put some miles on yer hiking boots.

Liv said...

hey. how did i land here today? i'm glad i did. i love you.

fiwa said...

I have no words or advice, just wanted to say I'm thinking about you.


Bob said...

This sounds positive. You are making progress - taking steps to move on. Fantastic!

The lols will come back, never fear.

Keep on keepin' on.

Take care.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

There is so much to process, no wonder you're "wallowing." I wish there were shortcuts to the happiness which surely awaits you on the other side of this dismal swamp because you're a truly wonderful person. Since life seeks balance, I am positive that the degree of joy in your future will exactly equal the amount of pain in your present, and I hope it's very soon.

nick said...

Now all you have to do is put a rocket up the lawyer's arse and stop her dragging the whole thing out for a year.

Nip out and get some Ben and Jerry's. And a bottle of champagne to celebrate your survival despite all the shit you're going through.

jaded said...

It's hard to feel good about humor when it is so scathingly close to truths which are not funny.

Sometimes howling at the moon does make you feel better.

SUEB0B said...

Be patient with yourself. Hugs.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Hi! I'm new to your blog and can't remember how I got here, but I have a pretty good idea of how you're feeling. It's a sucky time of life; you just want to rip the pages off the friggin' calendar and be in another stage of life. The good news is, you'll be so much better off when you're on the other side of all this. Best of luck to you. XOXO

Eve said...

It seems that the grief acts and feels the same, no matter whether your person has died or up and left. I am right there with you, sister. And as Vegas Linda Lou said, "you just want to rip the pages off the friggin' calendar and be in another stage of life." You can't do it, but you WANT to do it. Hugs to you, Meno.