Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Need to know

It has been a long time since i broke up with someone.  It has not been as long since i was broken up with.

A friend of mine just got dumped, really unexpectedly, by his boyfriend this past weekend.  He came over to my house right after because he didn't want to be alone.  This is cool, i am very glad that i was able to at least be there because i of all people know that there is really nothing i can do to help, other than be there and listen.

His new ex bf gave three reasons for wanting to "take a break".  As i was listening to the "reasons", i realized that they were all bullshit.  The truth is that ex didn't want to be with him anymore.  Period. And then he looked for some reasons, because we all expect reasons when we are dumped.

I think if i ever break up with someone again, i will give no reasons.  And if i am ever broken up with, i will refuse to hear any reasons.  Those reasons can resonate in a person's head forever, and they are often not the point, or the truth. And they are unkind and they hurt.  Why not skip the reasons and just simply say "I don't want to be with you anymore"?

Because that is the truth, bottom line.

1 comment:

Bob said...

If people were emotionally mature enough to say they just didn't want to be with their partner anymore when breaking up, it would seem to me they would be capable of not letting things getting so bad that the only option is to walk away - and it be a surprise to their partner.

I can only hope if I'm ever in the position of being left again - or of leaving again - I could have the courage to be as honest as you state. That's a high bar.