aye i eye I

I woke up this morning bleary-eyed and exhausted from another night of not enough sleep. This e-mail awaited me in my inbox, a comment from anonymous:

I think its really stupid on your blog how you use the lowercase "I". It is really pretentious and self absorbed. Who do you think you are? e.e. cummings?

Oh ha ha ha ha ha. *gasp* *snort* Seriously cracked me up. I scared the cats off the bed with my laughing.

This is a blog, of COURSE it's self-absorbed.

In case anyone cares, i started using the lowercase "i" when i was a pretentious, self-absorbed pre-teen with the logic that none of the other pronouns get the honor of capitalization, so why should i? I continue using it because; 1) my typing is slow, painful and full of errors, one less keystroke matters to this impatient person, and 2) it's a habit.

Thanks for the laugh anon, i needed that.

And just because bitch is the new black, who can spot the grammar error in anon's comment?

A Primer

(I was going to call this A Primer for Men, but that would be sexist and i realize that it could also be A Primer for Teenaged Girls.)

It's in pictures, so that even you will be able to follow along.

This is bad:


When you reduce the toilet paper to shreds and can see the cardboard roll, leaving it this way is rude. No really. I know, who would have thought, right?

Look! Right behind you is a toilet paper bonanza, a veritable breeding ground for toilet paper, there for the taking:

There is also a catnip mouse next to the toilet, in case you need something to play with:
Reach out and grab a new roll, like this: Don't be afraid, it won't hurt you, they are very gentle, and soft, and absorbent.


Place your new friend, the fresh roll, into its new home. Look at this, look at what you have accomplished.
Take a bow. You deserve it after this impossible difficult for you task.