Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The beginning of a beautful relationship

It's been awhile huh? How is everyone?

Today i'm going to tell you a story.

Scene: My parent's living room, in the winter of 1981.

Cast: My parents, The Mister's parents, The Mister and me.

Background information: The Mister and i had been living in the deepest of sin for about two years when we decided we would get married. Since we were both graduating from college and The Mister had accepted a job in San Jose, it was either marry, or break up. I say that because my mother had drilled it into my head that i should never "place myself in a position of dependence on a man without being married." There's all kinds of wrong with that statement, but i was much younger then and believed it.

After announcing that we were to be joined in wedded bliss, my mother waited in vain for an invitation from The Mister's parents for an occasion to meet. (According to my mother, who knows these sorts of rules, it's the job of the groom's parents to initiate the first meeting.)

Such invitation was not forthcoming, so my mother decided to (gasp) ignore convention and invite The Mister's parents over for dinner.

Character development: The Mister's dad was a health food nut back before it was popular. He used to make these loaves of bread that we really, really good......for you. They could also substitute for bricks in a pinch. So dinner at their house was accompanied by a discussion of why we were eating skinless chicken and organic kale salad dressed with apple cider vinegar. After dinner he would prepare what i called The Bowel Bomb, a concoction of plain homemade yogurt, wheat bran and lecithin. (Have you ever seen lecithin? It's the consistency of honey, but tastes like motor oil.)

My family is all very tall, and The Mister's family are all very short. The Mister comments that hanging out with my family is The Land of the Giants. I believe i may have mentioned hobbits when visiting with his parents.

During the day that preceded this dinner, The Mister and i had taken our beloved cat Al to the vets as he was very ill. We found out about 30 minutes before dinner that Al had kitty leukemia and would not live very long.

Action: The Mister and i arrived at my parent's house with red eyes, still sniffling over poor Al. (We love our kitties!)

The Mister's parents were late, beyond fashionably.

My mother had prepared her special guest dinner of standing rib roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, salad with blue cheese, french bread with butter, and cheesecake for dessert. Oh, and coffee. I thought The Mister's dad was going to have a coronary right there.

So he picked over his salad, ignoring the rest of the meal. The rest of us, including The Mister's mother, drank steadily.

So picture this, The future Mister and i are huddled miserably in a corner, lightly weeping, The Mister's dad is looking like he smells something bad, my parent's are trying to make polite conversation, and The Mister's mother is getting blasted.

Good times. The evening ended rather early.

Epilogue: My mother waited, again in vain, for a thank you note. She thought that as a military wife The Mister's mother should know that this is required. A few years later, The Mister's mother told me that she had written one, but it had never been mailed as it had gotten lost in her car.

Yeah, i didn't believe her either.


TTQ said...

This is the shit that makes movies and they call them Comdey. Me, I just call it My Life.

About 3/4 of the guys who met one of my criterias were wiped off my marriage material list.

Must have no living parents, thus no in-laws.

Mom also taught me not to financially dependent on any man. Hence: Embezzelement

Anonymous said...

Unsalted butter? I'm sure. If I were on death row, that could easily be my last meal.

I'm sorry to hear about Al, although it's been so long. Reminds me of the Thanksgiving that we already knew we were putting Chelsea to sleep on the next day, but we pretended we didn't. Fun. Someone even had a camera that year.

fiwa said...

whoa... what a night. I'm with your MIL - bring on the booze.

sari said...

Poor Al.

crazymumma said...

Thats me at awkward dinners. I am your husbands mother. Wine glass firmly pressed to lips.

Lynnea said...

Birds that are f*ck*d up, get f*ck*d up together?

I'm wondering what the wedding was like. Unless you guys eloped.

Anonymous said...

I'll bet there's some old junkyard guy out there with a blog writing a post about the letter he found under the front seat of this old car......

[My mother in law invited herself to my parents house for Thanksgiving after they had barely gotten the moving boxes unpacked... She was politely -- so say us WASPS -- declined for her kind offer to arrive uninvited. It was all doomed from the get go, was my marriage.

Mrs. Chili said...

Holy crap. That beats MY in-law/parental meeting story!

flutter said...

Oh, oh man...

meno said...

ttq, ha ha! Marrying an orphan is so smart.

de, oh hell no, not unsalted. That would have made him happy. I'm sorry about Chelsea too.

fiwa, yeah, booze it where it's at on nights like this.

sari, he was a beautiful cat. So sad.

crazymumma, me too!!!!!

maggie, i WISH we had eloped. But the wedding was the next, and last time that the 'rents saw each other.

daisy, you think so? I wonder if she actually wrote a note. Great in-law story. If my marriage were based on that night, it would be kaput too.

mrs. chili, it's not a contest. Let's hear the story.

ms chica said...

So exactly what is the moral here? Too much fiber in your diet stunts growth or insufficient alcohol consumption causes sanity deficiency?

lu said...

...I can hear the silence in the room, Like a slow yawning sonic boom.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like good times.

Brad said...

Too Funny. Holidays must be fun. My family couldn't get through them with out liberal amounts of wine.

furiousBall said...

damn, that's uncomfortable to say the least. although i guess my in-laws are my ex in laws, they're such great folks, i'm keeping them as friends at least.

luckyzmom said...

Wow, you really know how to make a gal grateful for her parents and in-laws.

Sienna said...

Funny! Not about the sweet cat of course, but the family dynamics.

Family merger dynamics, I am thinking up some titles here...hey Meno, what if they all end up in a nursing home together??


SUEB0B said...

That is a classic. And I love the name "Bowel Bomb."

meno said...

flutter, yeah. Quite the event.

ms. chica, guess who among these four is the only one who is dead? That should tell you the answer.

lu, one of the worst nights i have spent, and that's saying something.

deb, it was awful.

brad, holidays used to suck, when we had to visit both families. But The Mister no longer communicates w/his mother and his dad is dead.

furious, you are lucky. So what's wrong with their daughter?

luckyzmom, i just like to spread sunshine wherever i go.

pam, no danger of that, as The Mister's dad is dead. I don't miss him.

suebob, when we went to clean out his house after dragging him to a nursing home, we found 7 huge containers of fiber stuff, including one called, no kidding, Colon Blow.

QT said...

Thank you for sharing this amazingly lovely story. I don't think these types of meetings ever go any other way than this - except for the people in the J.Crew catalog. Those families look perfect.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Hhmm, are you planning a REUNION?

If so, don't forget to invite me. I'll do what I do best, piss everyone off :)

The Real Mother Hen said...

I forgot to say something - you watched Kungfu Hustle? WOW, sistah, you have just scored 10,000 Brownie points, because you know that movie :)

Anonymous said...

i always fuck up if there is stationary involved too.

Tink said...

Hoop's Mom, my Mom, and my Grandmother got it into their heads that we should have a ladies luncheon before the wedding. The catch was, they wanted ME to plan it. You know, because I didn't have enough going on. Of course I didn't. So Hoop's Mom decided last minute (Wednesday) that SHE was going to plan it instead, for last Saturday. Fortunately, it didn't pan out schedule wise. Go figure, it's only two weeks away from the wedding. But for three days my phone was ringing off the hook with questions of, "could you call-?" or "could you do-?" Finally, I told them all, "Listen, I don't care if you EVER meet. Because honestly, it doesn't matter if you like each other. Get over it." Thankfully, they all quieted down after that. Family can be such a huge pain in the ass.

peevish said...

Wow, this whole scene reminds me of when, after just one month of marriage, we announced to my MIL that I was pregnant. We expected jubilation and received a stony stare as her mental calculations proved we had sinned. Yeah, that's right, bitch! At age 35 and after living together for a year I had the audacity to start trying to get pregnant six weeks before our wedding. Get over it.

But enough about me. Is your FIL still into health food? Why in the world would one remove such a potent source of joy (delicious food!) from your life?

peevish said...

And now I realize I've echoed Tink.

Great minds, and all that.

Mona Buonanotte said...

Y'know, at my age, that Bowel Bomb sounds kind of inviting....

100 Thoughts of Love said...

What this has taught us all...
1. Your Mom had the better manners
2. hobbits....hahahaha
3. We should eat at your house

meno said...

qt, well you'll have to tell us your story, some day.

mother hen, oh hell no. But that would be quite the event.

franki, i guess i should stop looking for that thank ypu note from you huh?

tink, a great example of people filling their own needs without considering anyone else. Thanks for the story.

peevish, you slut! Of the 4 parents, GUESS WHO IS THE ONLY DEAD ONE!!!!???

mona, if he were still alive, i'd get you the recipe.

pat, i strive to be educational at all times.

Diane Mandy said...

HAHA! That is the funniest parents meeting story I have ever heard!

tt said...

I gigglesnorted several times when I read that 'bowel bomb' part.
I love stories like this!! I love peeking into peoples lives...reminds me mine wasn't so odd.
More please.....and pass the gravy!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Tee hee. Rude hobbits and uptight giants. I love it!

Oh, the stories I could tell about various in-laws I have had over the course of three marriages.

We could call it the Wedded Blissless Trilogy.

Anonymous said...

We only have unsalted butter at our house. I am so devastated by De's comment (let's hope she still comes to dinner next weekend) that I can't go on. [Weeping.]