Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Something REALLY Scary, VB Story III

Again, this picture has nothing to do with anything.

Time for a scary story, and the final post about VB (Vituperative Bitch), my SIL.

To bring you up to date, VB has dumped Husband 1.0 and has moved in with Boss1, after Boss1 dumped his wife that is. (Go here for parts
I and II.)

VB quit her job working under (heh, heh) Boss1 and got a new job working under Boss2. She is living with Boss1 and his two adorable children in Boss1's cool house with a view out over Puget Sound.

The Mister and i were living in Colorado when we got a call from his mother, telling us that VB had had a HUGE fight with Boss1, and had moved out and was living with Boss2. (Boss2 was later to become husband 3.0.) Apparently she really had been "working under" Boss2.

Three weeks later, we get another phone call. VB had gotten married!!!

A puzzled Mister said, "To who?"

A good question as it turned out.

To BOSS1, who had now become husband 2.0.

We lost touch with VB when The Mister's father died and VB, and Boss2, with whom she was again living after divorcing Boss1 (aka husband 2.0) accused The Mister of stealing money from his dad.

The funny thing about this is that the stealing of money is something that VB did, which is why she would even think of accusing The Mister of it. You will have to believe me when i tell you that The Mister would NEVER, EVER steal anything. He's boring that way. (Not so me, once i took a piece of butterscotch candy from that store that used to be in an old boat in San Francisco.)

All we know now is that eventually Boss2 (aka husband 3.0) divorced VB and she married yet again. I'm sure that husband 4.0 is true love.


thailandchani said...

Holy smoke! Sheesh!

flutter said...

oh dear god.

Mignon said...

My life has very little drama, and sometimes I wish there were someone vituperative about whom I would chat with my friends. But really no. I just like your word choice, and I like that she's comfortably on the other side of the fence.

(I should note I've gossiped about one of my relatives on occasion, but then she goes and donates thousands of dollars and loads of time to abused kids' shelters and made my daughter a darling Halloween costume. So who's the vituperative one now?)

Girlplustwo said...

this chick rocks. she's like a Lifetime TV movie.

Joan said...

Yikes...I need a scorecard just to keep all of her bosses and husbands straight. Hmmm...I think I hear VB's phone's a producer from the Jerry Springer show.

Lynn said...

Are you sure that VB and your hubby are really related? If this was a movie, no one would believe it.

meno said...

chani, unbelievable, i know.

flutter, yep, that's about all you can say.

mignon, i have little drama too, and i like it like that. Vituperative is a wonderful word, and in this case, it fits. You have a long way to go until you can claim this label. Keep trying.

jen, but who would believe it?

joan, it's confusing, i know. She'd be a natural for Jerry.

lynn, yes, they are realted, just have COMPLETELY different personalities. She's always been a grasper for whatever she could get.

Anonymous said...

My gods. It's sad that real life (in this case HER real life) is so much stranger than anything you could see on tv.

Mrs. Chili said...

You know what they say, second (or third, or fourth) marriage is the triumph of hope over experience....

Lynnea said...

Mrs. Chili cracked me up.
So we've figured out that the people who used to own our house (now on their fifth domicile within a 20 mile radius I believe), sold it because there was too much work to do. It was easier for them to sell and go get a new one. Sounds a lot like what VB does with men. Only she doesn't sell before she buys the next model. I was really thinking that if she or anyone around her had ever suffered from amnesia, then her life would make for a great daytime soap opera.

Marshamlow said...

It is funny to think about all those men who seemingly enjoy being treated this way. Perhaps when she is nice, she is very nice?

Princess in Galoshes said...

It's funny to me, how some people need such extensive drama in their lives to thrive.

For all my professed adventures, I really am quite boring, and like my emotional life to be equally calm.

Anonymous said...

Women like that amaze me. How do they do it? How do they live with themselves? And how do they have the energy?

amusing said...

If you do post about her again, perhaps you could include a chart or a diagram?

TTQ said...

Drugs and alcohol must be heavily involved somewhere. Or wait VB doesn't take her meds as prescribed.. She is C-R-A-Z-Y.

cuck-coo-ca-choo. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

peevish said...

I love these stories. In a strange way I wish I could be more like her. She just takes whatever she wants and damn the consequences. On the other hand, she doesn't sound very happy with what she takes, does she?

She is a parable in semi-human form.

Anonymous said...

methinks VB needs career counseling.

meno said...

Irrelephant, maybe it's all just a dream......

mrs.chili, triumph of hope over brains, or hormones over brains. Apparently Husband 4.0 is 20 years younger than VB. Good for her, i say, just don't have children.

maggie, i think she just saw a house she thought she would like better, one with a account. I'll look into the amnesia angle.

marsha, perhaps she can suck the crome off a trailer hitch, as they say.

wng, it's the last story because we haven't seen her in 14 years, and the Mister and his mother barely speak, so that line of communication is closed. I don't even want to see or talk to her, but it's fun to hear the stories.

princess, i am with you on the boring personal life. I can't take the drama.

deb, your last question is the most relevant! I have no idea.

amusing, yes, i can see how that would be helpful. Maybe with some colored lines indicating different relationships. :)

ttq, i know alcohol, but you might be right on the other drugs too. It would explain a lot.

peevish, to quote Sheryl Crow, "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

Anonymous said...

Sounds like such a lovely person. Tis a shame you can't just suck it up and get along with her.


April Fool's!


VB is one of those people who give me pause and make me stop to consider how very blessed I am to have so many Quality types in my life. So she is, in effect, a necessary evil of sorts, I guess.

Hey. I'm an optimist. I had to try to find the good in there somewhere.

P.S. I once stole a pack of gum from the Shop-a-Minit in my hometown. My father discovered my thievery (likely because I whipped it out to chew some right in front of him) and forced me to take the opened pack back into the store and apologize.

I was thusly cured of all possible stealing desires at age five.

Unknown said...

OMG! I'm watching almost the same thing unfold around a co-worker's son's ex-daughter-in-law. amazing what people will do, eh? What I always ask the person who was cheated on by a known cheater - Did you REALLY think she wouldn't do it to you, especially since that's how she GOT with you?


Liv said...

VB sounds like someone else I know. What a waste of oxygen.

Anonymous said...

unce, tice, fee times a mady...(old SNL reference)

I'm sure it was true love all 4 times. Are we taking bids on how many more she might find? I'll go with one more.

Tink said...


I think there needs to be people like VB (who, btw, I keep wanting to call VD) just to keep the balance. Because lets face it, us normal people are kind of boring.

*Snort* I called myself NORMAL.

ms chica said...

This story reminds me why I don't attend large family gatherings. There isn't a VB present, but there are plenty of relatives who should be on Jerry Springer.

Anonymous said...

I tagged you for a meme, sorry. But I am curious.

luckyzmom said...

Cool picture. Not so cool SIL!

Anonymous said...

Meno, it COULD be, at that? What is life, after all, other than a butterfly's dream?

Anonymous said...

Good god. She steals men like oxygen steals electrons.

Sorry. Just got my test back.

My current post is for you.

Schmoopie said...

VB is a very unhappy person. She's obviously looking for something (or someone) and can't find it.

Stucco said...

I steal things. I last stole the aircraft safety card from the Southwest 737 I took to San Francisco.

Biscotto said...

hey stucco- i take the safety cards, too. i think they are beautiful. the images of the belt being fastened over the woman's lap--so incredibly sexual, despite the great effort to disguise this. the no briefcase drawing? love it. THAT is how i feel about work. the oxygen mask drama? a metaphor for so many things.

as for the VB, i adore her. she is the most interesting character that i've read in a long time. tell me more.

GEWELS said...

Who says you can't find "true love" 4 times in one's life?
My husband's 2nd ex is getting ready to divorce her "True Love" #5.
Honestly! one marriage will be quite enough for this good old girl.

egan said...

Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry...

meno said...

de, counseling for the wives of any boss of her is more like it!

jennifer, if she were a lovely person, i might feel badly about making fun of her. But her title "Vituperative Bitch" is well earned. Like you, my life of crime was short-lived. I never even got to eat the butterscotch.

andrea, it's amazing to me how, even though two people got together through cheating, they have no inkling that they'll be next.

liv, yeah, and she's mean too.

my pool, ha ha, i remember that one. I also predict more husbands. But i may never know as after the Mister's mom dies, we'll have no contact.

tink, VD, heh heh. Yes, she is a lesson in how not to act.

ms. chica, family gatherings are a hotbed of yuckiness, but a good source of gossip.

deb, no worries. I am taggable. I can always "forget" to do one if i don't like it. But i like this one.

luckyzmom, thank you, and so true.

irrelephant, You are SUCH a geek! Yes, it sure could be, what do i know.

nancy, i love it when you talk technical. Thank you for the Halloween pix.

schmoopie, she has been unhappy ever since i have known her, over 27 years. Nothing is ever right.

stucco, Shouldn't you only steal from United? Otherwise i think it's a sin.

biscotto, The safety card as a guide to life? There could be worse guides, like the bible. You know, VB is interesting, but she's just so damned unpleasant, that it's hard for me to care.

gewels, I haven't the energy required for serial true love, but if she does, hey, go for it. Damn the human carnage (kids, ex-wifes) left in her wake.

egan, i'll suggest it to her if i am ever unlucky enough to see her again.

Mother of Invention said...

I want the rights to the TV show! It'd put Dallas to shame!

Anonymous said...

I hope the dripping sarcasm came through in my original comment. She does indeed look as is she has earned her 'VB' title.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I hope she hasn't done any breeding with Boss 1 or Boss 2 aka Husbands 2 and 3. (Do I have that right?)

What I want to know is, what do they see in her? Nobody is THAT good looking, and she obviously has no other attractive qualities.

Avery Gray said...

Are you talking about my hubby's ex-wife? Because you could be.

Scary, ain't it?

crazymumma said...

oh my gawd. This is so weird.

Mermaid Melanie said...

blech. women like this should never reproduce. or have any influence over children what so ever.