Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Fair warning:  It's going to continue to be a drag around here.

But first, you should know that although i am incapable of responding to your love comments, i am reading them and appreciating them.

Biscotto thinks i should get a fuck buddy.  Not ready yet, but an idea worthy of consideration in a while.


Time is passing so slowly.  I think it's the pain, and the fear, and the loneliness.  No, it's the panic.  A primal fear reaction that keeps my heart pounding and my stomach in knots, my legs ready to run, run away from the danger.

But there's no where to run that danger does not follow.

Not rational, i know, but emotion is not rational.  Trying to wrestle my fear with my logic.  Sometimes successful, sometimes not.


I don't know how to stop loving him.  My heart does not know how to unwork that knot.  I know i must.  But it will take time.  Agonizing, slow.



Lynnea said...

No one ever taught us we'd have to unlove someone. It's the most painful thing in life, in my opinion. So take your time.

You're doing great. Truly.

Bob said...

I have no sage (or non-sage, for that matter) advice for you. Keep busy? Find a new home, out of the place you shared? Find something you're passionate about and throw yourself into it? A rebound affair (a friend with benefits, a fuck buddy)?

All of those things will happen when you're ready (as you say) for them to happen.

Time. It will take time, good friends and family, and most of all an attitude that you are okay, you are a good person, you are lovable and are in fact loved, and that this is not your fault.

Be well.

jaded said...

Love might be easier if we could flip a switch, but a flippant view of love probably won't sustain a relationship worth sustaining.

lu said...

1. You are not pathetic and your feelings are valid.
2. You are right, a Fuck buddy is not for now, probably never. Lovers, eventually, but I've only been hurt by casual encounters.
3. I still love my ex. I hate him too. I still grieve the loss the dream.
4. I wish I could give the "it gets better speech." it does, but it's a long process. It is as heavy sometimes more so than grieving someone who has died. Just be kind to yourself, and know you are loved.

Anonymous said...

It will hurt for awhile. You will be at times angry, sad, bitter and depressed, but it will pass. All things pass. It doesn't feel like it at the time, I know. Depression almost killed me once, I saw no future that was better. But I promise you it will pass.

I walk and garden and paint, all things that keep my body busy and allow my mind to just wander. I vent to my girlfriends. I cry. I bake and eat unhealthy stuff like fudge. And then I do it all again the next day. And the next and the next. And eventually one day it doesn't hurt so bad. It's gradual but it does happen.


Sending a hug and since this is virtual, I think I'll throw in a box of chocolates and a huge beautiful bouquet of flowers:) You are loved woman.

Anonymous said...

Hearts sometimes tighten around their wounds. Time will help. Keep letting the people who love you in to help you in the meantime. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

P.S. That post label hurts me looking at it, because it's not true. Never true.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I want so much to say something wise and comforting, but nothing good enough comes to mind. I know it will get better, just not when. I also know that sooner or later, probably sooner, he will cheat on her, too, because that's what he does. And I hope he has the decency not to bring a date to Em's graduation. A fuck buddy wouldn't work for me, but everyone's different. I think it's to your credit that you don't love lightly. Take good care of your wonderful self!