BASTARDS!

A close up of my skin.

Something i thought would never happen to me has occurred. Something which has changed the whole way i see the world, and the way the whole world sees me. It has even changed the way i see myself. And it hurt me far more than i ever thought it would.

How did they know? Is it part of the president's domestic surveillance program? I may write to my congressperson. This is an outrage. I will not be treated in such a manner. I mean, HOW DARE THEY?

"What has happened?" you may ask, that has violated my spirit in such an egregious manner? I'll tell you what! In advance of the anniversary of my birth, upcoming more rapidly that i can deny, i received (*sob*) a membership solicitation from the AARP.

Those bastards!

Passion (no, not that kind)

Columnar basalt

I have been doing some listening lately, and a common thread has unwound from dissimilar narratives and wrapped around my brain.

Three people lately have been telling me about things that they do in this life because they want to, because it's a passion. One person does it as a volunteer, the others for work.

I observe the passion in these people, and i listen. Curiously, most of what i am seeing that could be called a strong emotion looks a lot like anger.

So are they having fun? I mean, is this passion a good thing? Truthfully, i try and avoid things that will make me angry. (I do read/listen to the news, because i don't want to be too ignorant, and that often does make me angry. But other than that, if it is likely to piss me off, i will avoid it if i can.)

All three of the people who have been talking to me seemed very unhappy and frustrated with a lot of their lives. I did ask one, the one who is the volunteer, why she keeps on with this task, when it upsets and angers her so much. She couldn't really answer me except for that it involves her church, and she feels like she has no choice but to continue.

I don't know exactly what i am trying to say here. I was just caught by the fact that none of these three are experiencing any joy from their chosen passions. Maybe passion isn't supposed to make you happy and i should be glad to be without one.

Then again, maybe happiness is overrated.

Reality....bites, albeit gently

Reality has intruded on the fantasy world in which the House of Meno exists. Em went back to school this morning, and the Mister back to work. And although my life doesn't change much with the advent of the regularly scheduled fall activities, i will miss having the two of them around. Except for when they piss me off.

Em has begun her senior year of high school. Ack! Senior year! Of High School! My Baby! I am both excited and scared for when she leaves home next year at about this time. Excited for the trips that the Mister and i will be able to take. Scared because she just a baby. How she will exist without her mama, i cannot imagine.

We have an exchange student from Japan here this week and through the weekend. It is difficult for me to fully imagine how strange this must be for her. But she is a trouper and just keeps on trying to speak with us. She understands quite a bit, but we must speak slowly. I admire her courage for coming at all.

She looks around at everything and says, "So big!" Our dishwasher, our car, our refrigerator, our house, even the cats. I can tell that she is not used to riding in a car because i keep having to remind her to put her seat belt on.

She cooked us a wonderful lunch yesterday and taught us how to roll tekka-maki sushi. Maybe i'll just keep her.

This is the sunset view of Mount Baker out the window of my room at the B&B. And i woke up looking out at that view too. I am not worthy.

The B&B had a little guest book for people to leave comments. I wanted to write "Sorry about the blood on the sheets, the goat was a virgin," but my friend wouldn't let me. She's mean like that.

These flowers are called "Mouse on a stick" and feel as soft as they look. There were entire fields of them. I think they were designed by Dr. Seuss.

It was spectacularly beautiful at the top of our hike. This is a view of Mount Shuksan from our lofty perch at 6145 feet above sea level.

Thistles:
This little fellow startled a shriek and an "Oh, Shit!" out of me as i came upon him in on the trail.
A little bit of heaven. I tried to inhale the air and fill up my entire heart with it to hold on to forever. I think i succeeded, at least for a little while.

The CIRCLE OF LIFE....(la la la)

Time: Yesterday afternoon

Place:Check out line at the Pet Store

A very macho looking man was buying a mouse in a cardboard box, probably to feed his snake.

Em, standing in line right behind him, was buying food for her two recently acquired pet mice.

***********************************************

I am off again for a few days. Going hiking at Mt. Baker with my friend, Kim. We are staying in a Bed & Breakfast with feather beds. We are NOT roughing it.

In Praise of Nothing

As i was racing through the bookstore yesterday, on my way to the trashy novels, i was stopped by this book:

It actually reached out and smacked me on the shoulder as i went by. So i stopped and took a peek and bought it. I haven't read it yet, but i will.

Last week i met another retired person, and he asked me what i did with my time. (I realized after he asked me this, that he really was waiting for me to ask him back so he could tell me about the fabulous things that he is doing.) I get asked that question with some frequency. It's always hard for me to answer. I exercise, i read, i have lunch with friends, i blog. Not much. Certainly nothing exciting to talk about.

I don't have a passion. I am not writing a novel or making music or traveling the world taking pictures of rare animals. (Two of which the above mentioned man was doing.) I am not collecting violins or opening a start-up company or attending board meetings of charitable organizations. I am not creating art, or becoming a master gardener or learning how to make gourmet meals.

What i am doing is being perfectly happy doing nothing of any importance to the world. I'm so happy that i am not even ashamed of my lack of purpose.

I do not want to be criticising people who do these things. Have at it, i say. But it's also okay to just be living. It's more than okay, it's great! I highly recommend it.

I looked on Amazon this morning, so as to get the picture of the book, and it appears that there are quite a few books about being idle and doing nothing. I had no idea that there is a small, but growing, movement out there for Idlers.

Damn, I hope i won't feel moved to write my own book about it.

Dinner conversation

Meno's aunt Dinner guest #1: "Oh, you bought organic chicken. I read in the paper that there's no difference, so i don't bother."

Meno's mom Dinner guest #2: "And i read that free range chicken has more fat."

Meno Hostess: Rolls eyes.

Later that very same night:

Dinner guest #1: "I like this wine. Where did you get it?"

Hostess: "Costco! "

Dinner guest #2: "I can't imagine that they have anything all that great."

Later that very same night:

Dinner guest #2: "May i have some more wine?"

Hostess: "Hmmm, better not, i don't think you'll like it."

Girl, Entertaining

This week's Friday word from Mona is Girl. This word, and Maggie's post, made me think of all the silly love names i have called Em over the years.

Mrs. Fish
Fishie
Missafishie
Monkey Pie
Pie Made out of Tiny Monkeys
Sunshine Binar
Stormcloud Binar
Stinker
Gooseflesh
Girl who really should be spanked (from Rudyard Kipling)
Banana manna
Love Puppy
Cat Attack
Fuzzbutt
Peaches
Pinkie

And here's what i did to her yesterday:

Before:

After:

It's fun having a girl.

What are your child's/pet's/whomever's nicknames?

Be careful what you ask for

I practically begged Amusing to tag me for this meme. Do you know why?

Me neither.

Actually it was because i thought it would be hard to do. I'll see if that's true. Because it would be way WAY WAY easier to do a list of ten things i don't like about me. And that's sad.

That's what i like about me, yeah!:

1) I would never cheat on any partner. Ever. I would not cheat with someone else's partner. Ever. I like to flirt with men i like, but only with the very clear understanding that NOTHING will ever come of it. If i wouldn't do it in front of my husband or his wife, i wouldn't do it.

2) I like my vocabulary. I love words and i like to use them. I like that i don't pretend to know what a word means if i don't know. I'll just ask, and then admire the word.

3) Sometimes i really can shut the hell up and listen, really listen, without waiting for the other person to finish their silly little prattle so i can tell MY fascinating tale. When i do listen, damn if i don't usually end up learning something really interesting.

4) I am dependable. I will never say yes to something and then bag out because a better offer came along, or i just don't feel like it, or i'm tired or...... Kinda like Lassie, without the ass-licking.

5) I can almost always find something to like about every person. This skill came in handy at work when i managed people. Sometimes i really had to work at this, but i could usually manage it.

6) Ummmm. (This is hard. I feel like i should be apologizing for saying good things about myself. I want to argue with me and tell you why i'm really not very nice.) I will protect and comfort any animal or child in my sphere who needs it, not just mine. Well, except for the ones i eat.

7) I like my breasts. Not too big, not too small. Not falling. No, i will not post a picture. There are plenty of much nicer tits on the internet for you to see.


8) I take responsibility for my stuff. This is a big deal because where i grew up, fault was a BIG HUGE HAIRY deal. We would sell each other out in a heartbeat in order not to have it be our fault. Endless argument would go into who's fault it was. Let it go. Don't miss it. (Sometimes i have to remind myself that it doesn't matter, but still.)

9) I work hard to try and keep my body working and in shape. I know that i need to exercise in order to keep my mind on an even keel as well. I could always do more of course, but i do pretty well.

10) When i really think something is funny, i will burst out in noisy laughter. It's a nice noise.



I am a beautiful and unique flower who blooms where i am planted.

I just had to go and cheapen it didn't i?

Unburied

"Oh, Ouch!" i will blurt out as we are driving somewhere in the car.
"Where are we going?" i will ask when we are watching a movie at home.
"Man?" i will query when Em and i are walking together.

These outbursts come from inside me when i am remembering something that pains me, or i am musing about something unhappy that might happen.

"What's wrong?" Em or the Mister will ask, "Are you hurt?"

No, not physically. I try to find a way to deny what i have said, or to pretend that i was asking about something real.

It used to be that i only did this while i was alone. Now i am likely to do it in the company of others, which puzzles them and embarrasses me.

Is my filter broken?

Maybe we should move

Back home safely and all is well with the cats and the house. Grey Cat and Brown Cat are following me around and are both trying to sit in my lap at once.

Here are a few pictures:

We walked 3 or so miles down the beach on the second day we were there. In the rain. With no shoes. It was awesome. At least these pelicans thought so:
I love this color:

The Mister and i discussed buying this fixer-upper. Everything else was too expensive:

Pretty color:

There were lots of civil engineers and architects at the beach. I love going up to kids and asking them if i can take a picture of their masterpiece. They love it. These kids had spent hours making this beauty and were just realizing that the tide was indeed going to come in. They were going to build a little sand wall around it to protect it. As if.

Just a peek out at the waves for anyone who misses the ocean.

There were pelicans everywhere. They are so prehistoric looking. This group was diving into a fish ball that was just offshore. You can see the pink pouch where the one bird is swallowing something:

I got up this morning a bit early so i could go for a last walk out on the beach. The Pacific is damn cold this far north, but i spent half an hour wading around getting the bottom of my shorts wet. I wanted to take some of the salt water smell home with me.
I am both happy to be home and sad to be away from the beach. Tomorrow i have a hike planned to console myself. I love summer.

More traveling

The Mister's pile of laundry, week 2.

Heading off to Cannon Beach on vacation tomorrow. There will be pictures as it is one of the most beautiful places in the world.

I've got sunscreen and dental floss, what else could i possibly need?

In case you were wondering

Where to start? Let's see...

It has come to my attention that children (most children anyway) act better with strangers than they do with their family.

I remember sending Em off to spend the night elsewhere when she was younger, and hoping that she would not have one of "Those Moments" while she was there.

Invariably, i would hear from the elsewhere parents that "She was great. A real pleasure to have around."

We will be at a restaurant and Em will be hissing angrily at me about some injustice done to her person. The waitron will come by and fill up her water glass or some such. "Thank you," she will say very sweetly, and then go back to hissing at me.

WTF?

I suppose it's all because she feels comfortable with my love or something, but i wouldn't mind a whole weekend of her "company behavior."

I was talking about this with her yesterday and i asked her why she thought this happened. She thought about it for a few moments and said, "Those other people never yell at me for anything, and i don't really care if they like me, so it's easy to be polite. I care what you think of me and i get all emo if i think you are disappointed in me."

There you have it.

A few observations about airports and traveling, just for fun.

(Scarlett O’Hara voice) As God is my witness, i will nevah fly coach again! Airplane seats are brutally small if you are any size larger than ordinary. Ugh.

Those self flushing toilets at airports feel like a violation of my free will. Add the astonishment of the plastic toilet seat cover tube trying to move while i was sitting and i may need therapy.

This story, about a man who missed his flight and called 911 to report a bomb on the plane in the hopes that the plane would return to the gate really pisses me off. He inconvenienced hundreds of people. Selfish bastard. It did not surprise me to learn he was a doctor. Yes, i know he was “off his meds.” But i’m still pissed at him. You watch, next he’ll be checking into rehab.

There are people who will happily stretch out over 4 seats, even after the waiting area fills up. Selfish bastards.

Airline employees have the patience of saints. Both of my flights were delayed over two hours. Some people were quite unpleasant about it. It never fails to astonish me how people will abuse others just because they can. Selfish bastards!

And finally, for no reason, a picture of 15 pounds of cat stuffed into a 10 pound box:

The last about Blogher, that's a promise.

Something i knew about myself, but i was reminded of it in spades these past few days; I am not good in groups. I knew this, but i chose to ignore it in the hope that this special event would be different, that i would be different.

Nope.

I had a wonderful time, but not at Blogher. The conference was not for me. It was big and noisy and caused me to have sensory overload. This is not the fault of Blogher, it’s just who i am.

As an example, one of the sessions was about how to get yourself and your blog mentioned in the press, and how to conduct yourself in an interview. I have no issue with anyone who wants this, but i can never see myself being desirous of attention from the press.

I spent most of the time with Ms. Chica and Maggie, talking, laughing, listening and making fun of the absurdities of it all. We walked all around Chicago and ate and went to the Art Institute and got blisters and waded in Lake Michigan and ate and talked and talked and talked. I am so glad i went.

There are a few bloggers i wish i had met, but i suppose that this would have required me to stick around at the event or attend the nightly cocktail parties.

As i mentioned, i had a wonderful, comfortable dinner with Jen and Nina. They are both quite beautiful, as well as funny and smart. You will not be surprised to hear that Jen stopped on our way to dinner the first night and chatted with a man who was begging on the street. I think she traded him a $20 bill for $7. She walks the walk.

I also was able to spend a little time with Antonia and Ian and their adorable wonder baby Esme (who apparently doesn't have her own blog yet, the little slacker!) on the morning of my last day there. I wish we had been able to go and do something together, but alas….no time.

The trip was exhilarating and wonderful and i wouldn't have missed it for anything.

It’s good to be home.

Brief update from Chicago

It was an unexpected treat when i stepped off the plane that a strange woman was waiting for me at the end of the causeway. "Are you Meno?" she asked in a lovely southern accent.

Ms. Chica, it was indeed! Her plane had been delayed and so she had hung around the airport for a little while and waited for me.

At the baggage claim, another woman, this one with an english accent and a baby strapped to her back came up to me again and said, "Are you Meno?" Antonia! I think it was the height that gave me away.


So Blogher started with a bang. Maggie had already checked in when we arrived, but she was nowhere to be found. Ms. Chica and i went out to dinner with QT and Jen at a pretty good Italian place. I still have garlic breath today.


We almost went to a weclome cocktail party hosted in the bar at the W last night. Ms. Chica and Maggie and i wandered up there at around nine. When the door to the elevator opened into the party, noise and darkness and black light assulted us. We bravely turned around and left. (Just so you know, my idea of hell is a disco.)


So, the conference; It seems to me that it is designed for people who want to become famous or make money with their blogging. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is not my ambition. There's some seriously great swag though.

• a thumb drive
• chocolate
• cereal
• a potholder
• a cool bag to hold it all
• a box of lotions, including something called "pillow mist."
• a pedometer
• a nail care kit
• a towel
• etc....

Here's Maggie with some of the swag:



We went to some of the morning track presentations, and the first afternoon track, and then we ditched and are back at the hotel doing what geeks do best.


More later. Busy busy busy.

Obligatory pre-Blogher post exhibiting pre-travel giddiness.

I'm leaving, on a jet plane (Yeah!)
Don't know when i'll be back again (Sunday)
Oh babe, i hate to go (NOT!)
But the dawn is breaking
It's early morn, (o'fuck thirty, yuck!)
The taxi's waiting (Nope, it's the Mister)
He's blowing his horn (No way! That would be rude.)

Okay, my guess is that those of you who are not going to Blogher in Chicago might (or might not) be feeling left out. Or maybe you are just sick of hearing about the damn thing. But i assure you, that i will be thinking of you and i will act as your on the scene correspondent.

If there is a cat fight, i will be taking, and publishing, photos. If there is drunken debauchery, i have a camera and i know how to use it. If insults are hurled, i will dutifully write them down and report them. If there are any fashion victims, it will probably be me.

I'm leaving Em in charge at home. The Mister left gum in his jeans pocket and it got all over my new fuzzy (polypropylene sweater) in the dryer and he is in the dog house. Of course, i left a tampon in one of my pants pockets and it blossomed in the wash. Nice.

P.S. Spell check does not recognize o'fuck as a word.

Crime and Punishment

Three young children stand around an old freezer, out on the back porch of the house. They have been summoned there by an angry parent.

"There was a frozen cake in this freezer that is now gone," the parent accuses the children. "If no one confesses, then you will all be punished."

Two of the children have no idea what the parent is talking about. One of them does. But all remain silent. The accusations and the threats continue. None of the children say anything, but they are all afraid of the terrible wrath of the parent.

The parent looks into the faces of each child, trying by sheer force of will to get the information out of the one guilty child. The silence of the children enrages the parent. The parent slaps the face of each child once, the sound loud in the space of the small porch.

But nothing can shake a confession from the guilty, and all of them are afraid.

The confrontation ends with all of the children being spanked, one after the other, and then sent to their rooms.

The case of the missing cake is never solved, but the anger and humiliation of the event will always be remembered.

In this post, nothing about Harry Potter

I would like to claim that this picture is relevant to the post, but i just like the patterns.

I read the book Siddhartha when i was in high school, going through an emo (Em's word) phase. The take-away from the book for me was that wisdom cannot be passed on, that each of us has to learn certain things for ourselves. That can't be true, i thought at the time, how silly! Of course i never listened to my mother. What did she know?

In her on-line group, Em has always been the Saver and the Peacemaker. I have listened to her stories and made a few comments to the effect that you can't save other people, they have to save themselves, you can help, but only when they are ready. Certain of these young girls seem to not really want to be saved, they want drama, they want some grand emotions to keep them occupied. (My interpretation.) But Em kept at it, sometimes crying when they would do some new foolish or destructive thing. I had to admire her compassion, while worrying about her taking care of her own self.

Em spent $50 once sending some flowers to one girl who was always sick, but would never eat or sleep or take care of herself. The $50 was about all Em had in the world, and this is how she chose to spend it. So instead of rolling my eyes, like i really wanted to, i helped her order and send the flowers. The girl in question never acknowledged the flowers. Em was philosopical about it but i was (in typical protective mommy mode) annoyed.

But mostly i just listened, and asked a few questions, and told Em that if so-and-so was really threatening suicide then Em had no choice but to contact the parents. It has never come to that, thank goodness, but damn has it been hard to not become disgusted and tell her to forget these drama queens and find some real friends.

Had i done that though, Em would have stopped telling me about it.

Recently, she has started telling me that she has had to stop trying to corral these young women into taking care of themselves. It was too hard on her and it never did any good. She is letting them drift on in the world without her.

I guess Herman Hesse was right.

A few things you TOTALLY need to know

Echinacea, or purple cone flower.

1) I am having a good hair day. The reason that i am having a good hair day is that yesterday, after several not very good hair days, i made an appointment for a haircut.

2) The Mister, Em and i are heading off this evening to drive down to Salem so that Em can take a gander at Willamette University and Reed College.

3) The Mister booked a hotel room in Salem with a separate bedroom for Em. This is all to no avail because i was gleefully telling a friend of mine yesterday that i hadn't had a period in a month and a half. So you know what happened this morning. Yep. One last egg just had to go and try and make me a mommy again. "Me too, me too, don't leave me behind," yelled the egg. I wish there was a way to tell any remaining eggs that it's a fool's mission, so just don't bother. Really.

4) Yesterday was very rainy. Last night i went to an outdoor concert at the Woodland Park Zoo. I bought a shower curtain for us to put our blanket on top of. During the concert it began to rain in earnest. Many people left. We stayed. Patty Griffin was wonderful, as usual.

5) I have a new addiction. It's green tea bubble tea. Not too sweet, but with fun little black pearl tapioca balls to suck up through my straw and chew on. They are the texture of gummi bears. I made Em stop on our way home from Driver's Ed today so i could score one. I could stop any time though.

6) I keep having to turn off the radio when a story comes on about the famous quarterback who was just indicted on charges of participating in dog fighting. I haven't the words to tell you how utterly horrified i am by this. Is this man even a human?