In a mood today

Before i retired, now about a year and a half ago, i worried about what i would do with myself. I liked working, and i liked being around people. As an intovert, i tend to isolate myself. I worried that i would go through a time of depression before i got this new life sorted out.

I think i am a bit strange, not like most other women, and it's difficult to find people to realte to. It seems that the experience of feeling separate isn't uncommon, but where are you all?

I swear too much. I am an athiest, so religion is out as a community. I don't care very much about fashion and my nails and that kind of thing. I don't like to shop very much, nothing ever fits me anyway, since i am so tall. I am easily bored. I like and need to spend time alone, but not all of the time. I am keenly aware of the absurdity of many things in life, and i like to point them out. This is not always appreciated. I am annoyingly punctual, and i think other people should be as considerate of me.

When i lived in Colorado for a while, i hung out with a group of women with whom i really didn't have much in common. They all liked to talk about interior design and children. When i became pregnant, they all insisted that i had to pick a theme for the baby's room and decorate it. I tried to act interested, because i was lonely, but i really didn't care, and i didn't think the baby would either.

I went to princess house crystal parties and other you-can-be-my-friend, now-let-me-sell-you-something events. Ugh. I squealed about the clothes at baby showers. But i was pretending. Do you ever find yourself looking around to see how other people are acting to see what you should be doing?

So, upon retiring, i never did get depressed. I found some things to do, some volunteering that gives me the office environment that i like for a few hours a week. I play squash and go to biking classes and have lunch with friends. (I've become a lady who lunches!) During the school year I spend time driving Em back and forth to school. I felt really pretty good about my life. I have no need to accomplish anything spectacular. I am happy having a happy child and keeping busy.


But lately, i am finding myself feeling lonely and bored. My husband is working long hours and even when he is home he is on the computer, working. I guess i want someone to talk too, that i don't have to pay $150.00 an hour to listen. (Not that i haven't been there, done that.)

Guess it's time to do something to fix this huh?