Monday, August 14, 2006

How it all began

When i first met the future mister, he was my boyfriend’s best friend and housemate. Sounds bad when i put it that way, but it’s the truth. I thought he was really cute, but there was absolutely no possibility ever of a relationship between us because he is 4 inches shorter than me. So we became friends. He was funny and smart and cynical and a smart ass. He and i got each other’s jokes and had great fun with the rapid fire banter between us.

He had this really sweet, insecure girlfriend, Danae. She was a year younger than the future mister, and so had remained behind in high school for his first year in college. This was his second year, so she was up in Seattle with him now.

My boyfriend, Michael, was also really sweet and earnest. Kind of a gentle poetic guy. And he was 6’4” tall. So that made him perfect for me.

The four of us spent lots of time together. Looking back, i realize that Danae was intimidated by me. I am no genius, but i am smart, and she not as much. And she really felt left behind by the future mister and me. She was bothered by the interaction between the two of us. But really, there was no way we were going to get together. He was too short, and that was that.

Michael was too laid back to worry. The future mister was his best friend, and i was his girlfriend. And i truly had no plans leave him and take up with someone else. It sounds stupid now, but it was not an option to date a man who is shorter. It just never entered my mind. So we continued being friends and having lots of fun and (we thought) witty banter.

The mister admitted to me once that he used to walk around the house back then “looking for his shirt” when i was around so i could check him out. And i sure did. Isn’t that cute?

One night (cue romantic music) we had all 4 been up playing Trivial Pursuit or some such, and Danae and Michael had shuffled off to their respective beds after a while because they were tired. The mister and i got to really talking for the first time. I admitted that Michael was really a sweet guy, but sometimes he was so passive that it frustrated me. The mister admitted that it was similar with Danae and that he had much more fun talking to me. I was sitting in front of the couch and he was sitting right behind me. He leaned over and kissed me, kinda upside down. Shiver. Mmmmm.

Right then, Danae, who’s no dummy, started calling to the mister from the bedroom. So we exchanged a few more glances and off to bed we went. I remember lying next to Michael that night and thinking “Oh shit. Oh boy. Mmmmm” over and over.

It was never the same after that. I broke up with Michael soon after, and the future mister broke up with Danae a bit after that. He had a much harder time of it than i did because Danae was heartbroken. Michael was unhappy, but he tried really hard to be friendly with both of us. He was a really nice guy.

It seemed like such a huge deal at the time. We were both 20 years old.

I still think that one of the reasons we have been able to work through so much in our lives together is because we were friends before we became involved, since, you know, there was no possibility that we would ever date. Yeah.


Marshamlow said...

What a great story. The thing I love most about my husband is our conversations. What do you call that intellectual chemistry? We just get each other.

Lynnea said...

Oh what fun, what fun. The being friends first part is so cool. It really makes the relationship different and comfortable and exciting all at the same time. Me and Hubby were friends first too, for two years. But, the best best part is how love sneaked up on you...don't ya just dig that?

urban-urchin said...

Perfect way to begin a relationship to last a lifetime. Well done.

Lucia said...

From 20/20: "Professor Allen Mazur...did a study that found taller men are likely to marry more often and have more children. Mazur said one possible reason for his finding is that "taller men, by virtue of being more attractive to women, perhaps have more opportunities with women other than their wives, which leads to a breakup of marriage, which leads to a remarriage to a younger woman, which leads to another child."

Would it be fair to say from the study that it seems that taller men were hot and the shorter men were not? "That would be an inference. You could also infer that the shorter men are better husbands, and they have more long-lasting marriages," Mazur said."

So, after all these years, I'd be interested in how you see the taller/shorter thing now.

SUEB0B said...

That is a sweet story.

Antonia Cornwell said...

I love you! I read the first few lines, thought Hooray! This story! ran to the kitchen, and made sure I was happily nestled in front of the PC with a cup of tea before going on. It didn't disappoint.

So many similarities with my own love life: I hooked up with my boyfriend's best friend too. It seemed impossible because it just was, and it got more impossible with time. By the time we got together and made the universe click into place, we'd already been housemates and best friends for ten years and I'd married the wrong man.

True love never runs smooth! Thank you for sharing. Wonderful story to start the day.

Bobealia... said...

After your story, I had to laugh at Antonia's. As much as I kind of felt for Danae and her heartbreak (just a little), what you guys did was MUCH better than marrying the wrong people. Funny how it seems like a big deal when you are 20, but then, in the end we all have similar stories of things we did when we were young. It's it good you were able to recognize a good thing despite the height?

meno said...

Thanks for all your comments. It does seem funny now, many years later, but the drama back then felt so intense. I still feel badly for Danae, but really, she and the mister would never have been happy together. And i wouldn't have been happy with Michael. Thanks god none of us got married before we figured it out.

As an update, Danae continued calling the mister occasionally, and then calling his mother for a few years. Then she married a lawyer and had 4 kids.

Michael had a genetic heart defect called Marfan's Syndrome, and he died when he was 28. I didn't hear about that for maybe 10 years afterwards, but i still cried for him, even though i always knew he was sick.

meno said...

Oh yeah, interesting comment and question Lucia, i'm going to answer you in a post.

Tracy Helgeson said...

What a great story. I love hearing how people meet. And thanks for the update on the others. Always interesting to hear what has happened to those in our past, my husband calls that nosy but I prefer to think of it as curious and thoughtful:-)

Andrea said...

stumbled upon your blog thru another friends blog, really loved this story

being friends underneath is the BEST foundation for a relationship!

meno said...

andrea, thanks for stopping by. It is best to be friends first, with some lust thrown in for fun.