Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Neptune's Bounty

Ok, not really Neptune, as it is a lake. Here is a partial list of things that have washed up on our beach:

  • Large bits of other people's docks. This happens in the winter when there are storms. We tear these bits of dock apart and use them to roast marshmallows and weenies. We also got our bench for around the firepit this way, but you have to be careful of the nails sticking out the side.
  • Fireworks detritus. I hate the 4th of July for this reason. I look around the lake and see literally millions of dollars of fireworks blowing up. I think two things; the first is what good all this money could have done in the world, and two, that i'll be picking up soggy cardboard bits for weeks. I am a curmudgeon. Bah!
  • Someone's retainer. I try really hard to picture a scenario in which a retainer ended up on our beach. I bet the someone's parents were pissed.
  • Balls; Soccer balls, volleyballs, nerf balls, beach balls, footballs, tennis balls. Oh, and frisbees. If they are in good shape i give them to the Goodwill, otherwise they become landfill.
  • Plastic tampon applicators. Ok, so i'm like, out on a boat, and i need to, um, refresh. So i, um, you know, do that. But what to do with my pearlized easy-glide(TM) applicator. I know, i'll throw it overboard when the guys aren't looking. I give those to the Golden Retreiver next door to eat.
  • LPC. In our house that stands for little plastic crap. Those toys and things that you have around the house when you have a small child that hurt like bloody hell when you step on them, and are responsible for your child hearing most swear words for the first time. Legos, McDonalds Happy Meal Toys, doll furniture, Transformers, etc.
  • Huge plastic blow up rafts and island thingies. We've had three of those this past winter. I wonder why people don't take them inside for the season. They cost a bundle. These are a pain to get rid off.
  • Shoes; Zorries, Boat shoes, tennis shoes, water shoes. Never a pair dammit! I give these to the Golden Retreiver next door to eat.

Lest you think it's all garbage, i'll also make a list soon of all the beautiful things i have seen on the beach.

Disclaimer: Of course i am kidding about the dog next door, i would never do that to any animal. I love animals. The kids next door are another matter.


amusing said...

I once led a group of boyscouts cleaning up the Lake in Central Park (the body of water with the restaurant, Bow Bridge and Bethesda Terrace on its shores...). We had a couple row boats, some waders and rubber boots and lots of garbage bags.

We found an amazing assortment of stuff and made up a delightful (though completely inappropriate for BoyScouts) story about it all!

Cans of hairspray.
Afro combs.
Shot thingies (what are those called? I'm zoning on the name. Inject drugs?)

We had sort of a gay dress up drug theme in mind...

meno said...

I love this, you need to publish the story. Please??
I've never found any condoms. Either they disintigrate before they get here, or the people in the northwest are fools.

Lucia said...

Pretty disgusting that all this flotsam and jetsam winds up in the water. How frequently does this stuff wash up?

Lynnea said...

I could imagine everything on the list having a legitimate story to find itself in the water, sadly even the fireworks. EXCEPT the tampon applicators. How gross is that?

meno said...

lucia, everytime the wind picks up. It's worse in the winter during storms.
maggie, yeah, coochie cooties!

Bobealia... said...

I just have to say that a minute ago my neighbor was listening to Eastern European folk music, and now he's listening to the Miami Vice theme song and I TOTALLY forget whatever I was going to say before that.

Marshamlow said...

Growing up we would visit some friends who had a cabin at lake Roseger (I am sure I spelled it wrong). The part about the bench and marshmallows brought back lovely memories. I am so jealous of your lake, tampon applicators aside. You are a lucky woman.

Andrea Frazer said...

I think you should take the stuff that floats up and make an art piece with it. Seriously. Very Da Da. Then photograph it and write a story about it for Oprah Magazine. Something about how wasteful our society is. And when you're done? Dismantle and sell it on Ebay. It's the American way!

meno said...

bo, i am sure that whatever you were going to say was insightful and witty.
marsha, i am SO lucky. I have always loved swimming and the water. This is a wonderful place to live and every day i appreciate it. gush, gush.
mama p, what a good idea! I might start saving some of the more interesting bits. I already have a ton of rusty nails and dock hardware.

Andrea Frazer said...

Ironically, right after I posted the art idea for you I ran into this picture on the March 9 section of the blog below.


It is a statue in London inspired by all the appliances one uses in their lifetime. It's super high apparently. Check it out. (If the link doesn't work, email me and I'll send it to you.)

SUEB0B said...

We need to start an Anti-Fireworks Lobby. We have them here almost every night and my poor dog is a wreck about it.

Are you in?

Lucia said...

I like mamap's idea so much that now I wish I had all this crap washing up on a beach near me.

meno said...

I have a new appreciation of my flotsam and jetsam now. I'm going to get a big box and start saving the cool stuff. Not the tampon cases though, although i suppose i could make little X-mas ornaments out of them. Great sculpture Mama P. I used to know someone in New Mexico who made some really wonderful found art sculptures from scrounging around at the dump.

suebob. fireworks everynight? That's hideous. I am SO in!!! Can we have wine at the meetings?

urban-urchin said...

blech- tampon applicators. I had to laugh when I read you fed them to the dog next door. Can you imagine picking up those dog poops on your walkies? Talk about horrifying.

The hypodermics in the Park are scary- amusing. Part of the reason we moved out of the Mission in SF was I was tired of finding them in my recyling container and was terrified that my toddler would prick herself.