Monday, August 28, 2006

Half of my life

I realized today that i have now been married over half of my life. I can't decide if this is lovely or scary. Maybe with the one year off for bad behavior, it isn't really half my life yet.

I was so young when we were married, only 24. And given that i am a late bloomer at just about everything, a very young 24. So selfish i was. I cringe to think of it.

We were married by a judge at my parent's house on a cold and rainy Seattle day in February. No walking down the aisle in a white dress glowing with happiness for me. I was terrified. What the hell was i doing? For a few years afterwards, I used to wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. To me being married really did mean forever. I told you i was young.

We had been living together for over 2 years at that point and it seemed like the thing to do as we were both graduating from college and the Mister had accepted a job in Silicon Valley. So it was either that, or break up. I had come to actually love him over that two years time, rather than it just being a fun lark to live together. Living together was something that real adults did. Or that's what i thought then.

Looking back, of course being married has not been what i expected. It has been more, really. Coming to terms with another person's humanity along with my own. We've grown up together, and it has not always been pretty. And i still find him attractive, and he, me. Lucky thing, that.

No wise advice from me, just an old married lady.

Where do you think we should go for our 25th anniversary in February? I think maybe a cruise. I've never been on one.


Lynnea said...

25 years is quite an accomplishment in this day and age! Congratulations. My husband and I have talked about going back to the spot we honeymooned at in Cancun for our 10th anniversary. We loved being able to lay around in the sun and just pay attention to each other. Cruise sounds like a lot of fun! Make sure to go somewhere with low pirate activity!

Karen Jacobs said...

We did the cruise thing for our 25th... in the Caribean, there are these schools of tiny jelly fish, about the size of the end of your thumb. While being prepped to snorkle we were told they are harmless, might feel like a scrachy sweater. I'm a fearless sort anyway so plowed right through them. Later, hives broke out and you could see the outline of my face mask and swim suit... I was on Benedril for the rest of the cruise, slept through it! Woke only to eat... how romantic is that?

Lucia said...

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last--more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret

From your postings, I can imagine that your marriage is held by hundreds, maybe thousands, of these tiny threads. So many people can't (and don't) stay together, that it IS really amazing to have been together for so many years. I hope you find a good way to celebrate. (I'm not a cruise gal myself...too organized and I don't have words to encourage the cruise thing...but if it isn't a cruise, get thyself to an island or somewhere wonderful. Whatever makes you and he feel celebratory.)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I found my way here a short time ago (via Mrs. Kennedy) and haven't really had a chance to "get to know you" by reading archives, but I can relate, as I have been with my husband for 22 years, 16 married. More than half my life, even with the year off for bad behavior (mine). When things are good, as they are now for us, there is nothing I appreciate or value more than having the common thread of our "togetherness" throughout all the events of my life. As far as ideas for celebrating, I'll stay out of that, with my track record: we were all set to leave for a trip to France and Italy to celebrate both our 10th anniversary and the upcoming birth of our first child/permanent change to our lifestyle on September 14th, 2001. Needless to say, we couldn't get a flight out of New York that week.

Bob said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bob said...

Until I read the comments above, I was thinking - what an amazing coincidence - I too have been married exactly half of my life. Guess it isn't such an exclusive club!

We were married 22 years ago after a 6 month courtship. 9 months later we moved to Crete, Greece where we lived for 2 years and where our children were born. We are planning a trip back for our 25th anniversary.

Anonymous said...

Wow, 25 years. Cheers to you and your hubby.

I would recommend Maine but not in Feb unless you like to ski.

A cruise sounds lovely.

Teri M. said...

And here I was proud of my 17 years. ;) It is reassuring to see that not all marriages end in 6 months because of irreconcilable differences steming from him leaving the toilet seat up and her using his razor.

A cruise sounds fantastic!

meno said...

maggie, PIRATES? Scary. I'll keep that in mind.

kj, ha ha! that's a funny story to tell afterwards, looooong afterwards. I'll keep an eye out for jellyfish.

lucia, nice quote. and so true.

daufiero, thanks for reading. That's too bad about your trip. I hope you found something else to do.

bob, I think it is an exclusive club. And i am pleased to be a member of it.

OneTallMomma, I've never been to Maine. I'll bet it's pretty. Not a skier though, the Mister has a bum knee.

Teri, You should be proud of your 17 years. Many many people don't make it that far.

Antonia Cornwell said...

I don't know what kind of holidays you like: I have a thing for travelling inhospitably north and the most incredible place I've ever been for a February holiday is Spitsbergen, part of Norway in the very high Arctic. February in Spitsbergen is beautiful unlike anywhere else. It was -32C and the sun didn't rise: noon was denim blue. Outdoors, we went skidooing down glaciers like James Bond villains; indoors, we drank brandy by open fires. I've been meaning to post about it since I started thinking wishfully of Spitsbergen during the heatwave this summer.

-32C is either something you're into or you're not, though. Brrrr.

Congratulations on your upcoming 25th!! Amazing.

Andrea Frazer said...

I say go somewhere you both like - and go because you want to, not becaues you feel like you're supposed to. My suggestion is to stay away from 3 day walks. How about some place where you can have a 3 day xxxxxx.... (come on people, you KNOW Menoblogs is a wild woman)

Marshamlow said...

We did the Seattle to Alaska cruise summer 2005, it was nice. Congrats on your anniversary.

Bobealia... said...

I've always wanted to go on a cruise. I think you should do that cruise that goes all over the world... Asia... the Caribbean... etc etc. I guess you would have to be on it for like a year to actually go everywhere, so forget that.